How to break up with someone
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 06-26-2007 - 5:25pm |
After 5 years off and on with the same guy, I decided that I will break up with him for good. The relationship has always been on his term...whenever he wants to be with me, he can, and when I want to stay, he doesn't. It's not fair. He's currently on vacation and won't be back until this Saturday. His birthday is on Thursday. I already spent a buttload of money on him but returning it all. Right before his vacation, about 2 weeks before, he wanted space apart after a big fight. I gave him 5 days, then I said "I can't handle breaks anymore, either you're with me or you're not." He decided to stay. Then everything was fine, then he went on vacation. I had texted him twice and he never returned it, which is not unusual, he rarely returns my texts. But I'm seriously tired of it, our relationship is black and white, it shouldn't have any gray lining.
So my question is, since I want to have a chance to talk to him before I move on with my life and change my number and movie, how do i break up with him? He has a crap load of my stuff at his apt and I want it back. But he can drop it off in a box. Should I text him and say, "I texted you and haven't heard back from you, so I get the point." and leave him an e-mail telling him to give me back my stuff? Or call him on his birthday? Or wait until he gets back?

Sorry you are going through this.
Don't email or text him anymore. Wait until he gets back and have a face to face with him (I know it will be hard). But after 5 years that doesn't deserve a email or text or phone. To me an email or text would be the cowards way out.
You have decided what you want and don't want, so stick with that and tell him you want it over, and you want to move on. Good luck.
Definitely wait until you see him face-to-face. Maybe he hasn't been a great, or even good boyfriend to you, but you do owe it to yourself to show some respect for the relationship *you* tried to have with him. In the meantime, write down what you want o say in good ol' pen and paer, get it all clear in your mind for when you have that discussion.
Best of luck, it hurts on both sides. We'll be here for you.
I would go to his place if you have a key, clear out all your stuff while he's away on vacation. Then when he comes back tell him it's over. Your tired of the BS, the excuses, the lack of respect your getting, your wishes and needs not being meet, his selfishness, etc. Then remember "HE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE". So don't bother trying to change him. He's getting his cake and eatting it too, and your getting basically crap and he knows it cause you keep letting him back into your life. He also sounds very manipulative too. Plus if you've been through this before, he probably won't think your serious cause you've always hooked up again. But taking your stuff and not letting him back into your life will show it's over and you're moving on.
5 years is a long time and hard to walk away from with all the emotional investments you've made, but from what I see you are not happy and he's not changing.
I know it's hard. It's going to suck for a while but I think your ready to move on. One day he will regret treating you poorly.
Remember to get ALL your stuff back so there is no reason to see him again or him to contact you trying to worm his way back onto your good side.
Be brave.