how can he just forget me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
how can he just forget me?
8
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 11:31pm


i had been doing well. it rained today. and i remember august. when he left for the states. saying he'll speak to me everyday and marry me and he wants me to be his wife. its over. and i'm okaywith taht.

i see he used me. degraded me. never intended to marry me. he just said it - i dont know. probably cause i would have never been with him if there was no marriage. here ( in india) its a big deal to be seeing someone. i put all my eggs in this basket and hoped it would be okay that he'd marry me he ddin't. everyone knows. and it's hard. but i'm doing okay. fleeing the country this september but thats another story.

i justthink its terribly terribly unfair. this IDIOT whose papers i worked on, whose life i starightened out, who i yelled at and made him see SENSE - just used me and threw me out. and now he's out with 1000 girls every night. after 4 years while breaking up i heard by way of explanation" i'm so good looking that girl's are coming on to me and it's hard to stay off". i see in retrospect he was SCUM. he hit on my bestfriend. taking advantage of my trust in him. he manipulated me coz my life had become him. he had no respect for me. i do NOT want him back. i justthink its terribly unfair. how i've had t work hard for mostthings in my life. he's gotten away.

its just not fair. its not fair. its not fair. its not fair. its just not fair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:11pm
doing_good, trust me his karma will catch up with him, even if you don't ever get to see it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:37pm

I agree that his karma will catch up with him. But, I wanted to let you know that what you have done for him is not in vain. Every sacrifice and compassionate act you did for him will come back to you in the person that deserves you and will care for you the way you care for them. Trust me I felt the same way and now I am getting what I deserve and then some. Your karma will come back to you in the most perfect guy for you.

P.S. people can never forget the ones that truly cared for them so it may feel like that he forgot you but that is not human nature to forgot people that treated you with respect and care.

Good Luck
Leeza




Edited 2/12/2007 12:54 pm ET by leezamoon
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:39pm

Mybad I posted twice

Edited 2/12/2007 12:53 pm ET by leezamoon




Edited 2/12/2007 12:53 pm ET by leezamoon
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 1:27pm


karma? but the thing is with narcississtic people, they never even GET that what they did was wrong. so manipulative and controlling. will go ANY lengths to prove how *right* they were. he's never going to get it. and i'll never get that apology.

sometimes all i want is for him to see how wrong he's gone about this. so without any honor and integrity. and the horrible lies. does he really not get it??? how can someone be so vain??!how come there is no iota of guilt in him??

i wish i could believe in karma. but NOTHING has ever happened to him. despite how many people he has screwed. some one always shows up to bail him out of his messes. and he goes on feeling more and more invincible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 1:53pm
Hi doing_good - have faith.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 6:21pm
Hi doing good. You're half-way there when you say that you don't want him back. The rest is just anger and frustration. Time will take care of it. I grew up in India. I haven't lived there in a long time but I know where your anger comes from. You deserve to be with a guy who is going to be swept by your good looks and not someone who is so full of himself. Trust me..most girls have enough self-esteem to be put off instantly by a guy who is so self-absorbed. So don't believe that girls are 'throwing' themselves at him.
Focus on yourself. This is about you, not about him. Don't waste a single minute of your precious time in being angry with him. Instead hang out with your friends, go shopping, learn a new language. Before you realize someone who truly appreciates and cherishes you will be standing right before you. Don't let the anger affect you and those who love you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 11:45am

cl-itwinflame,

how did forgive your ex husband? i'm sure it musthave not been busy. do i need to forgive him for all the horrible things done to me? the playing with my mind, the lies, the promises, compromising myself in my community here, ( here there's a stigma attached to a girl if she's gone out with a boy for so long and hasn't ended up marrying. it's a big deal.a girl is viewed as being "soiled" )so much so i was convinced it was me who was mad and deserved to be hit. how can i forgive that?

i'm less angry. but completely disgusted and creeped out that how i let myself continue with such abuse for 4 years. not an inch of forgiveness in me. and he is trying to be so cool casual breezy about it too. how can you forgive THAT? really, how did you forgive?? is it even necessary?

another q - a lot of people on this board who are on their way to recovery have a somewhat functional relationship with their exs. not like before but without all the anger and hatred. and that's necessary to move on right? i'm on 3 months NC. where do i go from here?? he disgusts me now. i don't want to remember him this way. the last 4 years this way. but i have no choice. i wish he would apologise so atleast i 'd know that i didn't love an absolutely manipulative, remorseless, psychopath.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 2:23pm

Hi doing_good - healing and forgiving takes time.