How can he walk away so easily?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2005
How can he walk away so easily?
3
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 9:15pm

Hello everyone,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months two weeks ago today. I broke up with him because after 3 1/2 months he went from being really into me to pulling away. I realized after spending time with him that he is an alcoholic,emotionally unavailable and he suffers from major anxiety. Anyway, it was so painful to realize that he was no longer interested in seeing me as much as before. He said he needed some space because he was going through a rough time. He didn't want to hang out with me but I have a feeling he was hanging out with other girls. I sometimes think that he treated me like crap those last two weeks just so I would break up with him. I broke up with him over the phone and just said that I couldn't do this anymore. I told him that I could tell that he didn't want to go out with me anymore. He said something like, "I feel like you are getting bored with me" which is totally ridiculous. I NEVER got bored and I always treated him with love and adoration. I was a really good girlfriend, probably too good (nice and complacent). He was definitely a bit drunk when I broke up with him and I could hear his guy friends in the background. He said he wanted to talk more about it when his friends left and he would call me later. Well, he never called. So here are my questions: How can a man go from being really into you to not? How can he just walk away from the relationship without trying to fight for it? We didn't have any problems and we always had a great time together. I feel like he has just forgotten about me and that he doesn't even miss me. We never really said goodbye.

Any support, advise or insight will be so appreciated!

Gemini

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 10:25pm

Dear Gemini,

Be happy and thankful that you were smart enough to know to get out of the relationship.

It will hurt for awhile but you can and will survive this breakup. Can you imagine if you married him.

Trust me, you will find someone else down the road and sometimes it takes a couple of tries before you get it right.

Men can easily walk away because they don't think with their hearts like we do. They are solution minded creatures and don't ever think otherwise. Men are just not emotional like we are. I think he did you a favour.

Enjoy your life and your new freedom. I suggest you read the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. It's really important to understand how the male and female minds are so different.

You will be fine and yes, you can get over this guy. Cry your eyes out, get angry and get rid of him.

Good Luck!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 4:01am

Hi, i am going through an extremely similar situation. I don't really have magic answers but i do know that my ex is being really cold and as if our relationship meant nothing, when i know it did.

Men have a really low tolerance to emotional pain so their reflexes go up ten times quicker, the only way to survive is to be cool and get over it - remember, you have no idea what he is really thinking and you probably never will, they are men remember!!!

Anyway, i went out with mine for a year, but after six months he did not to have sex anymore, then the arguements started, then the married couple syndrome kicked in and we ended up resenting each other - at least that was his side of things, actually i never stopped doting on him and being the loving girlfriend, so i completely did not get it.

My point is really, that he probably doesn't know whether to wind his butt or stratch his watch, just like mine, insecure, lost, unhappy and unwilling to do anything about it, so they self destruct and destroy the only good that they have, because they feel like its not going to last or they are not supposed to be happy.

oh and by the way mine also suffers from depression, panic attacks and OCD.........

anyway, just some food for thought..............................

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2005
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 6:32am

Wow! It sounds like we're talking about the same type of guy. I do believe that my guy sabotaged the relationship just as things started to get more serious. We got SO close and I felt so much love from him and then within days he disconnected which forced me to pull the plug on the relationship. I read something really great that I wanted to share. It's a quote from the book titled, "Welcome to Your Crisis" by Laura Day (great book!!).

"Survival is the ability to transform every crisis or change into a more powerful, effective, and satisfying life. Survival is the ability to give up what you were so you can evolve into someone more joyous and luminous....Endings are beginnings - if we allow them to be.... Things are supposed to fall apart, to bring you to a better place. Those who don't see life that way remain stuck in endings." from page 59 and 60.

Hang in there girls. I will too.

Gemini