How can I survive the weekend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
How can I survive the weekend?
42
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:10pm

I know he will be with her this weekend. He'll bring her flowers, he'll whisper sweet nothings, shower her with affection.

After one date he chose her. After one date. He said I'd "complicate" things and that she made him happy. (News flash butthead--you're making her responsible for your happiness. Think she'll fill up that gaping hole? Nope)

He's been depressed for a while, since he lost his high profile job in a high profile industry. Over the past few years his depression has only worsened following a series of business and friendship failures, all caused by his pride and ego. He's never wrong. Or at least he's never admitted as much. Says I haven't been available to him and he's right in a way. I've been struggling too, with a way too demanding job and a teenage son who needs my attention and the money I make at this crappy job to pay what his scholarship doesn't cover for the best private school in the state. I haven't been there for him, he hasn't been there for me. He's hidden in his house and I got scared and backed off, leaving him alone too much. He's having a midlife crisis and she's his little red sports car. I should hate him, forget about him and move on.

But I can't. We've been friends our entire lives, lovers sometimes, but always friends.
I know now I can't have him in my life anymore. But how do I do that? He's always been in my world, one way or another. I know his family, knew his brothers before I knew him. And his father. Have friendships I developed with each that are independent of him and each other. For heavens sake his father has been sending me Christmas gifts for years, even while my ex and I were married to other people! I can't remember when I didn't have him in my life! But I feel like I'm his transistion girl, something to do until someone better comes along. He says we are bound together forever. How in Gods name can I break that bond? It is a strong tie, emotionally, mentally, physically. We have never been able to break it. We always end up back in each others arms. We stay in each others hearts.

And tonight he'll be making love to someone else. Maybe not physically, but with his heart. And I'll be heart broken thinking about it. The worst thing is I know he'll be back, he'll call or email a week fron now or a year from now. Or worse, he'll just show up. And then I'll never heal. I'll never get over him. Usually one of us calls or writes, normally its me. This time I can't. I have to stay away for my own sake! (which isn't going to be easy since we live a mile apart and our worlds are directly in each others paths.)(note to self- find another Kroger and a new pharmacy)

The thing is, while I doubt this thing with the other woman can last forever, it may last weeks or even years, but eventually he'll be back. He always comes back. Has for 30 years. I just can't be the same person I've always been when he gets here.

But first, before I can heal I have to make it through the weekend, but how???

Its killing me and I hate feeling like this!

Anyone have any ideas? Anyone in the same boat want to IM this weekend to keep each other on track?

Patti
on day 3 NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 4:03pm
Well, don't only hit the town, but paint it RED! Have fun...and get laid too! Use protection though....ha ha haha haha i'm sooooooooooo funE! No, really, that sounds like just what the doctor ordered. Then you can come back and tell me every last juicy detail of what a bad bad girl you were!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 2:32pm
So, how have you been lately?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 3:14pm
I'm hanging in there. Check my posts from yesterday "Close Call" and
"Need Advice" and get back with me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 9:41am
So tell me how your weekend was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:31am

Terrible. I was miserable all weekend, had a major meltdown on Saturday.
Spent much of my time reminding myself that he broke up with me, that he was
unfaithful and betrayed our friendship and that he was most likely with her
all weekend. I started a journal. I took two power walks in the park, washed
my car, cleaned out my closets, still couldn't get rid of the aching.

I really hate this. And I hate him for making me feel like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:41am

This is a good thing. Keep hating him. I thought that you were supposed to go out w/one of your gf's and paint the town? Did you not end up doing that afterall?

Also, just keep remindin yourself that...IF you did get back together with him for some not so smart reason, then it will only feel good temporarily...

....you would still be mad at him for hurting you
....you would still hate him for breaking up with you
....your trust in him would be all shot to hell b/c he cheated on you & left you for another woman
...and you would eventually resent him in the end and fall out of love with him eventually anyways...

Plus, you can do and will do better than him next time...

Keep hanging in there...you are doing great so far! Why are you aching for him? They physical part of the relationship? Why would you ache for a jerk or waste time and energy thinkging about him at all? I think that you are just lonely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 11:26am
7 years of my life are wrapped up in him. This weekend I did what I always do, except
this time it didn't include him. I'd start to do something and think I need to ask
him about it like I always did, or think maybe he and his son would like to do
this with us. I'm trying so hard to stop those thoughts, really I am. And even when I
think about how awful he was to me or remind myself that he is with her, the dull
aching in my chest just won't go away. He's been such a big part of my world that I
can't seem to get away from memories or reminders of him. And I keep getting weepy.
Which is stupid, the guy was a complete butthead to me. What is my problem?
Why can't I just hate him and not hurt for him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 11:36am

You might not ever hate him. You may or may not forgive him. You may or may not ever stop aching for him. But you can't go back to him either way...your survival depends on it.

You are doing a great job. I don't really know what to say, except keep hanging in there. Pack up pictures you may have together and any visiable reminders that you have of him. I am so sorry that you are hurting.

You never said whether or not you went out with your gf this weekend or not. Do you have your son at all times? Or only every other weekend? What does your son think of this butthead?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 1:05pm

I just don't understand why I still want him. the guy was a real jerk
to me. Why is it I can't just be angry and hate him? This sucks.

My son is with me every weekend for the most part. He won't be going to
visit his father until after finals. That is when I am supposed to go
out on the town. My son goes in and out, sometimes he hates him, sometimes
he doesn't. Most of the time he is indifferent.

That was one of the issues with my ex, when my son stopped going to his
fathers every other weekend. Between that and my job it was nearly impossible
for us to get much time together. Maybe thats why it is so hard, my ex said that
he loved me, that I had done nothing wrong and that he didn't have a bad
word to say about me, he was just tired of being lonely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:41am

Hello there,

it seems you and mellissacoburn have been messaging each other heaps..I just stumbled onto your blog, or whateva it is and started reading yours. I got so interested that i've prettie much read all 40 pages! And I really think what mellissa is saying is really right and she has been a blessing to you in this time...and she is right. I think you are feeling like this because you are just lonely..I know it's too soon to move on, but have you tried filling your days up with stuff? I found that by having nothing 2 do or a bludgy day would mean i think about my ex even more, however if you make sure your day is busy and fast paced, then you realise in the evening that you haven't thought or moped about him once. It helped me alot. Maybe your should also try stirring things up a little. Like ummm.. spending more time wiht your son (helping with homework or randomly going out somewhere nice) to get your mind off it all, or just surprise a gf with two movie passes or a dvd that you have both been dying to watch..or if you've thort about cooking, why not take it up or sowing or another hobby, and get involved in that...find something constructive and helpful to do. Becz it sounds like even though you've broken up, ur the one who is upset not him...he still has his gf and is going out etc..Do something for yourself! good luck! :)