How can I survive the weekend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
How can I survive the weekend?
42
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:10pm

I know he will be with her this weekend. He'll bring her flowers, he'll whisper sweet nothings, shower her with affection.

After one date he chose her. After one date. He said I'd "complicate" things and that she made him happy. (News flash butthead--you're making her responsible for your happiness. Think she'll fill up that gaping hole? Nope)

He's been depressed for a while, since he lost his high profile job in a high profile industry. Over the past few years his depression has only worsened following a series of business and friendship failures, all caused by his pride and ego. He's never wrong. Or at least he's never admitted as much. Says I haven't been available to him and he's right in a way. I've been struggling too, with a way too demanding job and a teenage son who needs my attention and the money I make at this crappy job to pay what his scholarship doesn't cover for the best private school in the state. I haven't been there for him, he hasn't been there for me. He's hidden in his house and I got scared and backed off, leaving him alone too much. He's having a midlife crisis and she's his little red sports car. I should hate him, forget about him and move on.

But I can't. We've been friends our entire lives, lovers sometimes, but always friends.
I know now I can't have him in my life anymore. But how do I do that? He's always been in my world, one way or another. I know his family, knew his brothers before I knew him. And his father. Have friendships I developed with each that are independent of him and each other. For heavens sake his father has been sending me Christmas gifts for years, even while my ex and I were married to other people! I can't remember when I didn't have him in my life! But I feel like I'm his transistion girl, something to do until someone better comes along. He says we are bound together forever. How in Gods name can I break that bond? It is a strong tie, emotionally, mentally, physically. We have never been able to break it. We always end up back in each others arms. We stay in each others hearts.

And tonight he'll be making love to someone else. Maybe not physically, but with his heart. And I'll be heart broken thinking about it. The worst thing is I know he'll be back, he'll call or email a week fron now or a year from now. Or worse, he'll just show up. And then I'll never heal. I'll never get over him. Usually one of us calls or writes, normally its me. This time I can't. I have to stay away for my own sake! (which isn't going to be easy since we live a mile apart and our worlds are directly in each others paths.)(note to self- find another Kroger and a new pharmacy)

The thing is, while I doubt this thing with the other woman can last forever, it may last weeks or even years, but eventually he'll be back. He always comes back. Has for 30 years. I just can't be the same person I've always been when he gets here.

But first, before I can heal I have to make it through the weekend, but how???

Its killing me and I hate feeling like this!

Anyone have any ideas? Anyone in the same boat want to IM this weekend to keep each other on track?

Patti
on day 3 NC

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 8:27am

Thank you for reading all 40 pages. I believe the universe sent mellissacoburn
to me, she is an angel! I don't know how I would have gotten this far
without her!

My son and I spend all of our time together, often much to his dismay! He
comes to work with me after school when I have to work late. Other
nights he does is homework in the living room while I fold laundry or
spend time on the computer. (the honor code at his school doesn't
allow too much parental homework intervention)We've spent much of the
past two weeks getting him ready for finals, which is why I'm not online
much in the evenings. I have tried not to be upset areound of him, although
I have been honest with him about how I feel. He is at an age where he
has discovered girls and myspace, so mom isn't very entertaining anymore.
We have a great relationship, he shows me his myspace friends and I
monitor the activity. He is also at an age where it isn't cool to be
seen with mom, so our good relationship is limited in public, lol!

This weekend before I had my meltdown I had him go out and mow the
lawn. Finals end this week and he'll go to his father's. My friends
are going to take me out. One is a gay man, one is single girl several
years younger than me,then theres me. One night our gay friend is taking
us to his fav spot,my single girlriend is taking us to her fav spot one
night, and they are picking a place for me another night. We're
quite a crew! I really enjoy their company and they are determined
to keep me busy. They have been a tremendous support, but it is the
board here that I turn to when I really need to admit I'm a mess.

I am blessed. And i I haven't said so mellissacoburn, I really
appreciate all you've done. Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 9:07am

Hey!! Yeah I am actuallyon day 8. It does get a bit better daily. He does call or come by on a dialy basis. He thinks he can just "stop by" & yesterday he just simply walked into my house like he still lifed hereor something!!

I still live him. I know he treated me badly & has committed the ultimate blow to my self-respect by moving with my BF---& living only 2 blocks away--in a very small town!!

Yes, what do we do this weekend?? It's going to be pretty & lots of activites going on?? I haven't been invited to any ofthe usual bbq etc for whatever reasons. Friends are divided about what to do. It's a mess. So do I sit in the house & hide like I have been for 7 days????

I want to go somewhere & do something so bad. Just get outof town. I feel like i am imposing on all my firends when I have to constantly ask "hey, what's everybody doing?" When I used to be called up automatically. See, we are suddenly the "single" women & now viewed as dangerous to have around thier hus/BF--what a mess. I just don't want to sit in front of a TV all weekend & mope. Any suggestions??

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