How close is too close?
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How close is too close?
| Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:11am |
Earlier in the week, my boyfriend and I decided to break up. We'd been together 1 1/2 years and over the past few months, he and I realized that we had different ideas on how the relationship should be conducted. He's very independent and this was his first serious foray into coupledom, so he wasn't ready for the level of commitment that I wanted. Not that he was eyeing other women or anything - we simply didn't see eye-to-eye on this very important commitment aspect of our relationship, and it was negatively affecting the way we treated each other. Maybe in a few years, once we're both more mature... that sort of thing. It was a very amicable break-up and we want to continue spending time together. Relationship inegalities aside, we get along very well and really enjoy each other's company. My problem is, how close is too close once a relationship is downgraded to friendship? In the past, I tended to adhere to the idea of not having any contact for awhile, getting used to a new lifestyle, etc., then resuming contact without a lot of the complications that might accompany immediately jumping from one status to another. In this case, though, I can't not see him. Ex-boyfriend or not, he's still my best friend and I love him very much. I see a future for us (he agrees), but definitely not until we both get our respective acts together (we're both 20.) We have talked about things - actually, we're communicating better in the short time that we haven't been "together" than we have in the past three or four months - but I can't seem to decide which set-up would best benefit me in the long run. This is where I need your help. What should I do? Can this friendship work despite our past? What are your thoughts on my situation? Thank you so, so much...

I am sorry that you are going through this. In regards to being friends, you will hear from many on the board that in order to be friends there has to be a time of no contact. Being friends means that you will support him no matter what, even if he is dating someone new. Are you up to that? Perhaps it would be better if you both took some time to heal the end of the relationship before starting a friendship.
In any case, I can't really imagine how I'd feel when that happens... but as long as he's a part of my life, whoever becomes a part of his shouldn't be of much concern to me. He's proven he's got good taste in women after all ;) I'll just trust his judgement and hope for the best, I guess. Thanks.