How to deal??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
How to deal??
2
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 1:27am
I am 25 years old, and my boyfriend/fiance/daughters father is 23. We have been together for almost 4 years. We have a 2 and a half year old daughter. I am so confused about our relationship, I think I am ready to leave...I have no desire to sleep with him, we don't really connect as a couple..he is sometimes blunt and rude with this remarks, and I just don't feel happy with him. We have tried to talk about our differences before but it all comes down to one thing, for him sex, and for me love, passion, romanticism, which he's never shown to know much about. Don't get me wrong, I think we are both great parents, and we can hold a conversation, we don't fight much anymore, and I think we would make good friends. I don't want to end things and for us to hate each other, I want him to understand that we tried, both of us, and we are just not meant for each other.. I want so much more in a relationship. I want a partner, a best friend who understands me, and who loves me and shows it...and I want him to find the girl that will make him happy as well. The thing is, I don't know how to tell him what I am feeling..I don't want him to hate me. The other problem is that I am from another part of the state, and I don't have anyone here where we live, so if I leave, I would go back home, and I hate the thought of seperating my daughter from her dad...does anyone have some good advise for me?? I really need some help...
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 3:05am
I think you should let him know that you are unhappy and thinking of ending the relationship. Then consider going to a therapist together to see if you can work things out. You would be surprised at how few men are romantic. I can understand what you've said about wanting a partner and wanting to feel close to someone and share things. If I were you I would really try to get this from your guy, even if you need help from a therapist to do it. The singles world really isn't a great place to be ... (Sorry to be such a downer. But I'm almost regretting having left my relationship lately, and so I feel like encouraging everyone to try to work on what they have.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:18am
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. We already tried counseling, but things didn't change much. I know it's not easy to be single, and a parent, but I think sometimes it is better to be alone, even if it means you may be miserable, than being with someone who doesn't make you happy, and then the two of you are miserable. One of my best friends recently seperated from her husband of 8 years, and she was very unhappy in their marriage. Sometimes she feels so lonely that she also thinks maybe she made the wrong choice, but you can't be with someone just to avoid being lonely. The right person will one day come along for her, and you as well! Don't lose hope! and once again, Thank you!