How to Deal With Missing Them...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
How to Deal With Missing Them...
13
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 9:27am

...when they don't miss you back.

I've noticed that first thing in the mornings, my first thoughts have changed from feeling loss and mourning over losing his interest to just the sad realization that I'm still single and waking up alone.

Then I got up and was fine. Got in my car and made it down to work. Then I drove past the train stop and remembered the one time he took the train up to see me. As I was dropping him off, I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and he got out and approached the train stop. He then looked back at me and had a little smile on his face. I teared up right in my car thinking about it. I had no idea at the time that those times were so precious and that Id soon be reminiscing about them and they would bring tears to me eyes. I miss seeing his smile, hearing his voice, his laugh and making him laugh. I miss making him happy.

How do you stop missing someone? Or better yet, how do you deal with deeply missing someone that doesn't miss you back?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 12:17pm

I completely understand what you mean. I remember showing up at the airport a week ago, and where he'd always been there to greet me with open arms, I now had to take the taxi to my hotel.

The funny thing is, the feeling fades if you let it go. Ie. I felt the loss at the airport for a second, then I decided I would NOT think about that. Made a mental shift from feeling the loss to something totally crazy (like how last time I was in the city by myself, I had the opportunity to help a blind man, and how pleased he was). So I put in my 5s of grief and moved on. Or even how before it used to bother me that he might be intimate with another woman. It drove me mad every time I thought about it. But someone brought it up the other day and oddly enough I didn't feel more than a passing twinge.

And it's hard to say whether or not he misses you. He might he might not. The first week after our break up, my ex posted all over facebook about how fine he was, how great life was, and the like. A week after that he's trying to get me to meet him and screaming at me about how I could move on so quickly. So you never know. And this is not to give you hope, just to put it in perspective.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 12:26pm
oh man, if someone gives you the answers to all of those questions let me know. i feel the same way. i miss him sooooo much and i keep thinking about all the little things that i guess i didnt realize were such a big deal..but now i miss him and everything about him :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 5:43pm
It's getting better.....but EVERYTHING would remind me of him. Like everything else that I've done to try and get over him, this also is sad, but guess was easier to accomplish: We never lived together, thank goodness, but everything that I had that connected me to him: pictures, a t-shirt, his sunglasses he left (he bought a new pair, and said those would be his spare set, but never picked them up), ticket stubs from a show we saw, a key chain...I put in a shoe box (that's the sad, yet easier, I guess: that it fit in a shoe box) and put away. Deleting him from my messenger list was the hardest, but most effective thing I did. Talk about torturing yourself: seeing him pop on-line, and he's on there, and he knows your on, but he doesn't acknowledge you. I deleted and blocked him, so I don't know when he's on-line and I just appear off-line all the time to him.
So I am eliminating the reminders. Also, luckily I live in Las Vegas, which is huge, and he lives 23 miles across town. So, we don't shop or go to any of the same places. But, even with all that, he STILL gets in my thoughts. Why do you think I'm on this message board.
Tina

Tina Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 12:03am
I truly feel your pain on this. He had lived in my house for the last 3 months and when he left I had to stay at a girlfriends house because I couldn't stand sitting in the living room watching our shows alone or sleep in the bed that we shared. Everything I see on tv, hear on the radio or discuss in conversations remind me of him. Just like what was said in the first post....I miss his face, his laught, his scent, his voice. The way we cuddled on the couch while watching tv and how he would lean over and kiss me. I'm not at the point of deleting his number or email but I have somehow found enough strenth not to call him. I wonder how long this will take for this to go away. I tear up whenever any memory of us together pops into my head. The only thing I can say is that is does go away. I have been divorced and I keep telling myself that if I can get through that I can get through this too. It's just so hard waiting. I miss him so much and I wish I felt like he misses me too. : (
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 10:24pm
I was wondering the same thing today.
I miss him so much, I can barely breathe. I had to leave a work function 4 hours from my house and drive home because I felt a panic attack coming on.
It really hurts to think that he has moved on and I feel left behind hurt and angry.
I know he doesn't think of me the way I am obsessing over him. I feel like I was put to the curb like extra baggage.
I do also miss the sound of his voice, his touch, just not the selfishness..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 10:32pm
I agree. I feel like I've been thrown away like garbage. Like I meant nothing to him and that he could care less about me. I miss him so much...his voice, his touch, his smile, his scent...EVERYTHING...but like you said, I don't miss his selfishness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 11:30pm

NO..not like garbage.

I mean, think of this way.

You are a winning lottery ticket. And this man that dropped you unceremoniously thought you were worthless because he couldn't be bothered to take the time and check the winning numbers. But does it take away from the value of yourself? no, it doesn't. You may be dirty, wet and filthy, but your potential for a hundred million dollars isn't diminished. Someday, someone...someone WORTHY, will pick you up, brush you off, and take the time to check the numbers. And the day he does, well, that man is going to be the luckiest guy in the world.

And the man that dropped you? Well he went on to buy other lottery tickets right away. Maybe dozens, hundreds more. So what? How many of them were winning lottery tickets?

cheers
Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:31am
Wow! I couldn't have said it better myself!!! Perhaps we were dating the same person? LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:42am
That was a good way of looking at it! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:50am

OH my God unicornssong

You made me feel so much better just reading that.

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