How to Deal With Missing Them...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
How to Deal With Missing Them...
13
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 9:27am

...when they don't miss you back.

I've noticed that first thing in the mornings, my first thoughts have changed from feeling loss and mourning over losing his interest to just the sad realization that I'm still single and waking up alone.

Then I got up and was fine. Got in my car and made it down to work. Then I drove past the train stop and remembered the one time he took the train up to see me. As I was dropping him off, I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and he got out and approached the train stop. He then looked back at me and had a little smile on his face. I teared up right in my car thinking about it. I had no idea at the time that those times were so precious and that Id soon be reminiscing about them and they would bring tears to me eyes. I miss seeing his smile, hearing his voice, his laugh and making him laugh. I miss making him happy.

How do you stop missing someone? Or better yet, how do you deal with deeply missing someone that doesn't miss you back?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:48pm

Two things I frequently say:

"Its not my fault he thought he had cubic zirconium, when he had a diamond the whole time."

and

"I am NOT linoleum! You can't lay me right the first time and walk all over me for a lifetime."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:54pm
I like your two sayings.....



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 3:49pm

I know exactly how you all feel -- like it was so easy to break up and leave you and your memories and inside jokes and plans and, well, your everything, at the curb. To walk away and not look back. And you're left with all of the pieces to pick up alone, with no clue how to do it and feeling like so many pieces are missing. My ex broke up with me after two incredible years because he said he was unsure of me, us, the future. It destroyed me -- I was completely surprised, saddened and despondent. My whole world comletely crashed. I bet you guys felt the same wa -- the physical sickness, the ability to burst into tears anywhere -- at work, at the gym, during a DeBeers commercial -- and just feeling completely low, behind, back at square one, totally unsupported. Right?

It is a horrible feeling, to feel like you are so disposable and forgettable. My ex and I have not been in contact since the breakup and do not plan to be. Our breakup was very hard, but was done with peace and respect. I have no hard feelings towards him. It is just impossible for me, I know, to still see or talk to him. I just can't. And through mutual friends, I know he feels weird that too much has time has now passed (3.5 months), so he will not either. He now refuses to discuss the breakup or me with our friends, he isn't talking to me, obviously, he's taken the vacation we planned together this summer and he bought a new house and moved into it. So yeah, he's been moving on, quite easily it seems. I don't know if there is another girl he is seeing -- he said breaking up was not about another woman or wanting to be with anyone else -- but, he very well could be. And that is obviously the hardest thing to imagine.

What I have been trying to do is to adopt his technique -- more or less deleting me. So, I have stopped asking mutual friends how he is, I've stopped reading his local paper (he is in it a lot for work), I have resisted looking up the house he bought and Googling him like a stalker. When I think of him or a memory snags my attention -- and yes, I too can link EVERYTHING to him, tons of songs, TV shows, restaurants, cities, everything -- I try to block it. It hurts to remove him, to pretend he does not exist, but in my life, he doesn't exist. He didn't want the place he had it in and so he has no place now. And it kills to do it, but I don't kow him any more. I hate that feeling, but it's all I have left to try to move away from this with grace. You may want to try it, too.

My heart goes out to you all because I know how devastating this is.

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