How did I get here?
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How did I get here?
| Sun, 08-12-2007 - 11:22pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for 14 years. We have 3 kids together. Our relationship has been up and down for years. We have split up numerous times and gotten back together. I don't know if he loves me but I love him. Last month I caught him about to cheat on me. He also confessed that he has cheated on me once in vegas with a prostitute. He sort of apologized and I have felt like crap ever since. I never told him to get out but I am very depressed because I don't know what to feel. I am scared to leave him because I'm afraid I will be alone for the rest of my life. I don't think I am very pretty and I am overweight. Today was another bad day for us because we started fighting and his cheating came up. Unfortunately it came down to him shoving me, punching and kicking me. Something that hasn't happened in a very long time. My daughter who I told to go to a friends house hadn't left yet, I told her to go because I didn't want her to hear us fighting. She was here and called 911, which I would of done anyway because I don't want him to get with doing that to me. They ended up arresting him and he is not allowed to come back which is fine with me. But as I am sitting here I am hurting. I know all the bad things he has done to me and I should hate him. But I don't. Why does it have to come to this. I feel miserable. I know I should kick him out and move on but I don't know if I can. I usually take him back no matter what. I feel in my heart that this is it. It's over but at the same time how do I stop the pain. How do I get over him? How do I move on? I love him. He is the only person I have ever been with and I thought that he was the only one for me. I feel like my life is over. I will be alone forever and that terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I feel like crap and I wonder is he going to come home and try to be better or is he gone for good. If he wants to come back should I let him or tell him to go. I know I am crazy for considering or even wanting him back, I just don't know how to stop loving him knowing that he is bad for me and after 14 years it's not getting better.

Welcome to the board rlf33,
An abusive relationship is NOT about love.
Hi and welcome,
Sometimes fear will make people do the strangest things, even if that's staying in a dangerous environment because it's what you know.
Hey there -
Welcome to this loving and supportive board. I have not been in your position but from what I have learned here its okay to be scared to get away from something thats comfortable but like Carrie and Sandra said you are definitely not in a loving environment and its NOT OKAY for him to treat you like that.
You are a wonderful person and deserve so much more and someone is out there waiting to give you that.
Be strong. We will help you through it.
Lisa