How do I break it to him

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
How do I break it to him
1
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 3:09pm

Ok, I'll try to make this short. I am going thru a nasty divorce (I left last year in May) have a 2-1/2 year old boy, currently living back home w/ parents and utterly confused about what I want in a relationship now.

I have recently started seeing this man who is 42 (I'm 27) He is full of energy, and very handsome. The problem, on our first date...he said that he wanted to be with me exclusivley. I was kinda thrown off a bit, but had fun with him so decided to try a relationship out with him. It's been a little over a month and we have seen each other everyday, we are able to comminucate well, but sometimes he communicates to much about things I wish he wouldn't. It's like he has to be the center of attention and talks very loud usually his favorite topic is of course sex and he makes comments about sex ALL THE TIME, at first I just kinda laughed it off, now it's becomming utterly annoying.

I do care for him, he has told me he loves me, which I find kinda wierd considering we've only just met. Here's the problem, sometimes I get in over my head and open my mouth before really thinking...I live at home with my parents, been there for a year and although they have been a huge help, I'm tired of living there and have been wanting to move out with my son for quite some time, finances have held me back, My guy, just recently moved here and also is struggling financialy, he's currently living in his office. So stupid me gets caught up in a moment and ask him how much he can afford a month and he got so excited thinkin about moving in with me this was two weeks ago, we have looked for places and got declined from one place even with my dad co-signing, that to me was a huge sign telling me not to do this.

Now that I have my head on somewhat straight I realize it's not the best idea to move out with this guy, especially because of my son, don't know what I was thinkin. Also, after a couple of other things he's said, I'm not sure if I want to be with him at all.

How do I break it to him, I don't want to be mean, but I also don't want to drag this out. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship at all. I just hate letting people down, but I have to think of my son and me first, right? Where do I find the courage to just tell this guy that I don't want to be with him, when I feel I've built up so much hope for him? Any advise would help. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 12:08am
I'd be honest. You're not talking about only your life but your son's life and safety as well. You've know this man for 1 month and are thinking in moving in with him? The first red flag is "being exclusive on the first date; you don't even know him.....second ...he's living in his office.....The guy has financial issues, have you thought about what could go wrong? third red flag.. talking about sex all the time...If he's talking about sex all the time he could have some kind olf obsesion with it. I'd tell him that you've nthought deeply and have decided not to move in with him. If you want to continue dating him it's fine, BUT don 't introduce him to your son yte, as you don't know if this relationship will work out. Having men in and out of your life is not emotionally benefiacial for a child.