How do i cope?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
How do i cope?
3
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 10:58am
Basically I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago (we'd been going out for nearly 4 years). I broke up with him as he wasn't making an effort with me, didn't make me feel special and was going out getting drunk. 4 days later he's at a nightclub with his best friend and ends up sleeping with his sister. I was absolutely gutted to say the least. Did i not mean anything to him? He had sex with her for 3 hours straight, during out relationship wasn't i enough for him? What did i do wrong? Is she better than me?
The night before this happened he said that he couldn't see himself with anyone else for a while but what happens the very next day?
To be honest i would like him back, but i know that it's not what my heart needs and what i need anymore. He's seeing this other girl on a casual basis but it still hurts. I am finding myself getting obsessed e.g. checking his phone account to see whether his called her. I feel so screwed up. I know in time it will get better but i hate feeling like this.
Any suggestions, past experiences of this? Please help X
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 12:46pm

:::Did i not mean anything to him? He had sex with her for 3 hours straight, during out relationship wasn't i enough for him? What did i do wrong? Is she better than me?

Of course you meant something to him. It's not that you weren't enough. You did nothing wrong. She's not better than you. You are NOT less than because of his actions, decisions, words, choices, etc. Sex makes people feel good, even if it's temporary. Even if it's just an escape from his own grief and/or used sex to block feelings of you, or even to prove to himself that he's 'still got it' with women.

First, stop checking his voice mail. It will only continue to bring you pain and it will not help you move forward.

Start journal writing, vent on paper. Read some good books. Make a list of things you enjoy and start doing them.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 1:13pm
I know how you feel I broke up with my BF of two years two days ago. I was feeling the same way you were. Not feeling appreciated and loved. He was making no effort. Basically he was way to immature for me. But you have to focus on the bad times and all the times he made you cry. I am sure that the times he made you feel like crap, you told yourself that you didn't deserve it. AND YOU DON'T. There are tons of men out there waiting to treat you right. Be the bigger person and go on with your life. You will need your time to cry and vent to your friends but focus on what you really want out of life and don't settle for less. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. And don't get yourself more fussed up by looking at his phone calls. Go find some hot guys for yourself to call. I know it's easier said then done, but you are not the only one going thru this. Don't worry about the other girl, face it she is getting your LEFT OVERS and you are moving on to a better life. Best of luck and keep your chin up and don't take him back remember the bad times!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 10:56am
Thanks for your great advice. I got my sister to change the passwords so i can't check! At last I'm the one in control! I'm feeling alot stronger, and can't wait to meet a decent bloke, I have so much love to give to the right person! Thanks X