How do I fix me?
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| Thu, 10-26-2006 - 1:56am |
Chapter 1 - i dont even know where to start... I'm 36 & five years ago I was happily married (or so I thought). I traveled for work 100% of the time, only being able to see him on the weekends. towards the last year of marriage, the phone calls to me started to dwindle down, his schedule was unordinarrilly getting busier and I was told on some weekends not to bother flying home because he would be so busy with work, it would be a wasted trip. well it didnt take a rocket scientist to figure that something was wrong. while working on the other side of the country i got ahold of some of his phone records to a phone that i didnt even know existed. i spent the whole weekend calling 50 - 75 numbers and to my discust & shock he had "dated" about 50% of the different women i spoke to. I hoped on the next flight home, confronted him, kicked him out and filed for divorce.
Chapter 2 - Instead of dealing with my feelings, I sold my house, packed up my car and moved accross country (running away - California to Rhode Island). Instead of healing I put myself right back out in the dating scene and after a few months I met a young man (very young) . I thought this could be fun & he could keep my mind off of "whats his name". But our relationship ended up lasted 3 1/2 years & it just ended today. I have the most difficult time trusting & i was so controlling when it came to his schedule. If he went out with his friends I would freak out, stay up all night and demand a call when he got home. Basically, I pushed him right out the door. Im feeling the same feeling everyone else has felt after a break up; my chest is tight, i feel so lost & lonely without him, i made him my world by not traveling for work and spending everyday/minute with him. I want to text/call him every second i think about it.
I dont understand how I could have been so strong in the first scenario and completely out of control & emotionally dependent in the other. I'm so broken and dont know how to go about fixing myself.

Carrie
I am no relationship counselor but it sounds to me that you had a lot of trust issues with men after your divorce and you had every right to. I think if you would have taken the time for yourself after your divorce and healed your heart, things would have been a lot different with your next relationship. After my divorce, I stayed out of the dating scene for over a year and did nothing but concentrate on me and making sure my daughter was okay from the divorce. When I got back into the dating scene, I had no left-over feeling about my ex-husband and no bitter feelings about the divorce. My ex-boyfriend did dump 4 months ago and I am taking this time to do nothing but concentrate on me and my daughter just like I did after my divorce. As much as I want to start dating again, my heart is saying no. I really think some people start dating too soon and for the wrong reasons after a break up which just leads to another destructive relationship.
Honestly, take this time for yourself, spend it with friends and family, if you need to go to a counselor, by all means do it. Do whatever it takes to heal and move on.