how do i get back at him?
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| Thu, 11-09-2006 - 4:33am |
Obviously revenge is not healthy at ALL. Neither is dwelling on how to make your ex want you again.
Still, we all have these feelings... or at least I do. Even after three months, I am quite irate and potentially vengeful. I think about him and grow furious.
My ex and I share the same friends. Even the same best friends. I am bound to run into him in our social circle. How do I make him feel like crap? How do I make him feel like a truly horrible person? Yeah yeah, I know I shouldn't think about it that way. I shouldn't think about him at all... I should let it go, etc. etc. But I can't. I follow all the break-up tips, like exercising, volunteering, studying, joining new clubs, and other things.
Stil, I want to make him feel horrible. Is that so wrong? Probably. My only sane ideasfor making him feel horrible are to whip myself into great shape, take up an intriguing art (pottery? water color painting? jewelry design?) plus make an extra effort to spend one-on-one time with my friends (who are also his friends) and remind them of how special they are through thoughtful birthday presents and photos of them & me hanging out.
If I do see him (which I will not allow to happen for at least six months) then I promise myself I will be wearing a fabulous dress and be laughing at something hilarious that just happened.
Any more ideas? Am I crazy? This is a little bonkers-sounding.

I loved your post. You expressed my thoughts exactly! :)
Ok, so here's a couple ways of thinking of it:
1) Probably the things he misses about you are things you'll never know about. It may be you happy and laughing, it may be when you get mad, or it may be that special moment that he never told you about. So don't worry too much about being perfect when you see him again -- just be yourself. And, he probably does miss things about you that he will never tell you.
2) Use your anger to motivate you. Anger is little appreciated as an incentive for change. People keep trying to stuff it down and get rid of it. Figure out how to mold it into something creative, as it sounds like you are doing already.
3) Assume that he feels like crap already, about some things at least. That's the best way to imagine him. No matter how happy you think he is, or how happy he looks, there are those moments when he closes the door in his room and it's just him and he feels like crap.
4) Remember -- as one friend told me when I said my ex won, he said, no, he lost. He lost you. And he will regret it, you just probably won't know when or how.
Now -- go get beautiful, trimmed down at the gym, made over, and sexy from head to toe. You deserve it! Not for him, but for YOU!
Hugs.
Edited 11/9/2006 2:08 pm ET by devuchka
I have only one thing to add to the replies you have already received - you probably can't get back at him because in order for that to work, he would have to feel like you do about things, people, events, etc. If he's acting with no regrets, remorse, etc. then anything you do, won't have an effect on him.
Journal writing is a good way to vent your feeling. Even writing him hate mail, do NOT sent it, burn it.
You will get through this.
Carrie
You can *think* revenge thoughts all day long, just as long as you don't actually *do* anything vengeful.
NO I DONT THINK SOO!!! IT WAS A GREAT IDEA....OFCOURSE LET HIM REALIZED WHY YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD...MAYBE HE'LL START WONDERING THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE ELSE THAT MAKES YOU LOOK GORDEOUS...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??
SO GOOD LUCK
Wanting to get revenge after a break-up is such a normal feeling but acting on it is not normal. I was dumped almost 5 months ago and I wanted so bad to get revenge a couple of months after it happened but I realized that I have a lot more dignity and pride for myself to have someone bring me down to that level. Like you, my ex and I have the same circle of friends and I had to break ties with those friends until my heart gets healed since I don't want to take the chance of running into him. Thank goodness I have a wide circle of friends and I am hangin with my friends who have nothing to do with my ex. I think the best revenge I can get at this point is to make him wonder how my life is going without him in it.
Stay focus on yourself and think positive about what is going on around you even on those down days. Your in the anger stage right now and for me that was (and still is at times) the worse stage but this stage will pass and you will look back and wonder why in the world did a rockin girl like me spend so much time and energy on wanting to get revenge on a loser, and he is a loser because he lost you.
Take Care!
Oh girl, I am going through this exact same thing right now! My ex and I share the exact same friends, which can really make things pretty difficult. Feeling hurt, betrayed, and angry, I, too, wanted to seek revenge. But I think the best way to do this is to not show how angry and hurt you really are. Wearing your emotions on your sleeve just gives him power, and regaining power for yourself is the most important thing you can do. So I say: look damn good when you see him, be happy and act like you don't have a care in the world. (But remember, don't go too over the top. Both your ex and you're friends will be able to tell if you're coming on too strong.)
So just be yourself... classy, composed, and strong. Even if you're not feeling these things, bluff your way through the situation. The most important thing (and the best revenge, in my opinion) is maintaining your dignity.
I know a huge part of you probably wants to do all of these positive things for yourself in order to show him what he's missing. That's just fine! Because, really, the most important thing is that you're bettering yourself. In the long run, you'll focus less and less on him and more on how good you're feeling for doing these things for YOURSELF. It just takes time... but you'll get there.