How do I get him out of the house???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
How do I get him out of the house???
5
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:05pm

I have been living with someone for a little over a year. We were dating about 6 mos. and bought a house together. I know, dumb idea. Anyhow, we are both on the loan. He started getting moody when we were going thru the purchase process and I chalked it up to stress from the whole thing. Anyhow, it has gotten worse over time. He gets very moody and when we argue, he says very cruel things to me. Afterwards, he claims that he didn't mean it and he was just mad. 3 weeks ago we had been drinking and I brought up the subject of the babies that I lost. He got enraged and said that I was still hung up on my ex-husband and if I thought about him so much I should go back to him. He grabbed me and shook me at one point too. Prior to that we hadn't had any alcohol-induced arguments and he was never physical with me before (or after). He completely ripped me apart verbally. 2 days later, I left for a seminar, so I didn't see him for almost a week. I was physically sick during the whole time. When I came home he gave me a hug and I started shaking. He accused me of faking it.
So, he says he's not going to drink anymore (health reasons too). Two weeks later we went to a family party and took my motorcycle 2 1/2 hrs. up north. He didn't start drinking until later, and I'm surprised that he even bothered to start. He dumped my bike in the grass and got a handlebar in his ribs and a burn on his leg. Made my night. We stayed for awhile longer so he could sober up, and when we got to the motel I wanted to wash my grimy hair and face and take a shower and brush my teeth. He got irate because he complained that everything had to be done on my schedule, and he wanted to have sex. We got into another big argument and he ripped me apart emotionally.
We slept for awhile and rode home. I had to stifle everything and not say anything because I wanted him to concentrate on the road so that we would get home safe. He thinks that all is better and I've forgiven him and am just learning to live with his mood swings. He's dead wrong.
I want him out of the house. I want him gone, out of my life. The problem is, how do I bring this up without setting him off? How do I approach this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 1:41am

freebird68...

Pianoguy has 2 suggestions...

1. If the house is in both your names...offer to buy his half. If he agrees, give him 30 days to move all his stuff out.

or

2. If he continues to be disageeable...make it clear to him that you are consulting with a legal advisor when it comes to issues of harrassment, incompatibility and the fact that you no longer wish to be sharing the same space with him.

You can bet the latter suggestion will tick him off---but if he physically harms you in any way...you might end up with the house FOR FREE???

Just my 2 cents!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:41am
Thank you very much for your advice. I will certainly keep that in mind. Does anyone have any suggestions for bringing up this difficult situation with him? He's not a jerk all of the time, only every 2-3 weeks, as per his pattern.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 10:47pm

Welcome to the board freebird68,


Well, don't bring it up when he's drinking that's for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:37pm
Thank you for your warm welcome.
No, definately not while drinking. I promised my son we wouldn't move again and I don't want to move again. We've moved so much over the years. Besides, the man is a trucker and is gone all week. He doesn't need a house and couldn't possibly keep up with maintenance. It would be an unnecessary expense for him too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 5:00pm

There is no way of "not ticking him off" when you break the news to him. It's not what you say or the way you say it or when you say it, it's his way of reacting to conflict and disagreements and you cannot control that. Even if you walk on egg shells all the time he can explode at any given moment and without any warning.

The solution to this extreme problem is to hire a lawyer and have him talk to him OR his lawyer; he'll need one anyhow. The lawyer wil act as your voice to get the house on sale once again and such.

If you don't want to go down that route then file a restraining order against him. He's been abusive and such so you could get an order for domestic violence to keep him temporarily out of the house while you get all things in order.