How do I get him to understand NC?
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How do I get him to understand NC?
| Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:00pm |
I broke up but he continues to call. He doesn't understand why I dont' call him once in a while. He says if I cared about him I would call. I have tried to explain that communicating keeps things confused, but he doesn't get it. He says that he wants to know how I'm doing once in a while. He wants us to be friends. I tried to explain the thing about jumping from a romantic relationship to friendship not being possible without time apart. He replied with "oh, I didn't realize our relationship was just about sex". I have tried to tell him that I do care about him but right now, communication makes things harder. He thinks that my feelings for him must be stronger than I let on when we were together.
What should I do?

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Don't pick up the phone.
Sadly, any contact you have with him will let him know it's ok to keep contacting you...It's not helping either of you.
You don't need to feel his pain on top of your own. Let him take care of himself, and you do the same. You are not responsible for his not understanding, you are only responsible for communicating yourself clearly and then following through. The rest is his job.
Hugs.
You've already explained it and he's chosen to not understand your explanation. It's time to block him from emailing you and stop answering his calls. Responding is just going to give him false hope.
Sheri
Stop taking his calls, any of his calls. He doesn't understand no contact because you keep talking to him, you keep taking his calls, you try to explain it. Block his emails too.
Change your number?
Hmm, maybe tell him the next time you take a call that if he doesn't stop calling you will file a restraining order to stop him from harassing you.
And as a side note, him saying 'if you cared about me...' statement, that's his way of manipulating you to get what he wants.
Edited 12/18/2006 2:03 am ET by itwinflame
Carrie
I have never actually told him not to call me. Every time he calls (about every 6-7 days) he says something about me not calling him and if I cared I would call once in a while. He says he considers me a friend but I must not think of him that way. I have told him that I do care about him but I feel it confuses things when we talk and that we need time before we can be just friends. He disagrees, but always says he won't call again--that he'll wait for me to call.
From now on I just won't answer if he calls. I guess part of me doesn't want to totally burn that bridge in case I do need his friendship in the future. I don't want him to hate me.
Tell him:
"I need a period of no contact to heal. Please give me that time."
When he starts in with the 'you don't care' - tell him: "I'm asking for this for my well-being, please respect my wishes." If he argues, hang up.
You have to be willing to be the 'bad guy'. Your feeling have to matter more than his.
Carrie
If you're meant to be friends, it'll happen, and he'll understand in the long run why you had to do this. Don't worry about burning bridges now--focus on what you need to do to get past this.
Sheri
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