How do I get him to understand NC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
How do I get him to understand NC?
15
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:00pm

I broke up but he continues to call. He doesn't understand why I dont' call him once in a while. He says if I cared about him I would call. I have tried to explain that communicating keeps things confused, but he doesn't get it. He says that he wants to know how I'm doing once in a while. He wants us to be friends. I tried to explain the thing about jumping from a romantic relationship to friendship not being possible without time apart. He replied with "oh, I didn't realize our relationship was just about sex". I have tried to tell him that I do care about him but right now, communication makes things harder. He thinks that my feelings for him must be stronger than I let on when we were together.

What should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 11:49pm
NO, you've already given him reasons for no contact and tried to explain it, now just do it or he'll keep contacting you because he knows you will answer!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 12:58am

No. If you're going to say that, don't put a time frame on it...just let him know you'll be in touch when you're ready to be friends.

But I think you've already TOLD him that you aren't ready to be friends a bunch of times, haven't you? I would just block him from emailing you and be done with it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:33am
I would ignore it. Right now you need NC and that's the end of that. I wouldn't explain anything to him because he's not listening. You cannot set a boundary and take care of someone else's feelings at the same time. It doesn't work. Set the boundary and keep it set. good luck!

Susan




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Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:53am
I have been on the other end of the stick. I was the one calling my EX for a while. I had to in order to understand what happened. In any case, if you do feel bad for him, just be clear about your desire. I think you should be blunt and say "I would like you to stop contacting me. I need to recover and so do you." If you already haven't been this straight forward, do it. If you have, then you should not reply to his e-mails or answer his calls. Don't give him time frame. It actually takes a really long time sometimes to come to that friendship stage. Don't give him any hopes. He is definitely wanting to see if there's any way to get back with you, that's why he calls. I know because I've done it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 9:55am
I appreciate hearing from someone on the other end of the situation. I did email him back. He had left me a voice mail telling me to watch a certain TV show he was advertising on. I did and I wrote back telling him I thought it was very good. This is something he was working on while we were together. I also told him I did not feel that we were ready to just be friends. I said we needed to heal and I was sorry if he does not understand, but I need for us not to communicate right now. I have not heard back from him so far. I have been really sad and thinking about him a lot the last few days. I know I do better if I don't hear from him, so maybe I will feel better in the next few days.

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