How do I get over him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
How do I get over him?
2
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 8:19pm

My boyfriend of 6 1/2 years, who was my fiance for the last three years, broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Our relationship was always rocky but we had never done the break up and get back together thing so him telling me he wanted to be alone was a complete shock.

He just bought a house for us 3 months ago because I wanted to move closer to my family. We were living about an hour away from them due to his job. So we moved and I thought things were okay but not great. A few days after Christmas he started being really distant and not talking a whole lot to me but I figured he was just in a bad mood or something. Then he told me he wanted me to leave. I asked why and he said he needed to be alone so that he could do whatever he wanted. I questioned him on that and asked if there was anyone else numerous times. He always denied it. I finally accepted that he wanted things to be over and I left. I thought maybe we needed space because we have been together since we were 17 and right out of high school. I often wondered if I was missing out by him being the only serious relationship I ever had so I thought maybe he thought the same thing. So I was upset but confidant that he would get things worked out and we would be together again.

Now, as of last Thursday he has had a girl,and her baby, staying overnight at his house. She is there day and night and I know that they are sleeping together. So know I don't know what is going on, he obvisiouly doesn't want to be alone. But I still have hope that we will be together again because it seems like this new relationship is moving very fast. I don't know if I am being stupid or if there really is hope that he will come back to me. I don't even know if I want him back or not but I feel like we need one more chance to work things out but he isn't going to realize that he misses me with this other girl in the picture.

How do I make myself get over him? I don't want to wait forever for him to call me and tell me he made a mistake.

Sorry this is so long, thanks if you read it all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 12:11am

Is the baby his?

Here's what I think from reading your post: He's been involved with her longer than he's letting on. He fathered her baby and she must have threatened to tell you about herself and the baby if he didn't do it soon... hence his mood and his turning into, seemingly, a different person. He got you to move out so as to not tell you the total truth of what was going on.

Squash your hope of getting back together with him. Do yourself a big favor and turn your mind to moving on. He put you out of your home so that he could 'do whatever he wanted'? I think he meant to say 'do whoever he wanted'. If the baby is his, he's probably attempting to do right by the baby... you cannot compete with duty to a child.

sorry this happened to you, but you need to accept that it's over and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 7:44am

No the baby is not his, I am certain. The father of the baby and this woman were together for a long time and split up right after the baby was born. The baby is probably a year or a little older.

I don't doubt right now that he has been seeing her longer than I know of though. I checked his email and their was an email from a girl we both knew a long time ago, I guess he has been in contact with her the last couple of years and I haven't known anything about it. I'm starting to wonder who he really is and how long he has been lying to me. It makes me very sad but I know that I have to move on and find someone who will make me happy and want to be with me, only me.

Thanks for your reply.