How do I get rid of him???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
How do I get rid of him???
6
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 1:07am
Hi All -

I'm new here and I'm desparate! My "boyfriend" has been living in my house for most of the last two years. I kicked him out back in February because he hardly ever worked and spent most of the little money he made partying. He promised me he'd changed his ways, and I let him move back about 10 weeks ago. Now I'm right back where I started. I've made it very clear to him that I don't want him here. He keeps promising me he'll get his own place as soon as he makes enough money. But he apparently has no intention of ever making enough money. He's been out partying for the last eight hours on an advance from his next (3 day) paycheck. I've begged him to leave. I've demanded he leave. I know his wife (yes, he's still legally married) would LOVE to have him live with her. He's admitted to having sex with her on two occasions since we've been together, but she says it's a lot more than that. But she's on welfare (he doesn't pay child support), and I make good money, so he'd rather live with me. So he does have a place to go. He just refuses to leave! I've told him over and over that I don't want to be with him. Sometimes I get really nasty about it, and I hate being like that. But I also hate him using me and bleeding me dry. I guess I'm going to have to get some legal help, but I don't even know where to start. It's not a matter of domestic violence, or a landlord/tenant thing (I don't think), considering he doesn't pay any rent. If you've read this far, thank you so much for listening! And if you have any advice at all, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Thanks,

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 2:49am
It sounds like you would be much better off without that guy. It is your place... he does not have the right to live there. So if he won't leave, then take legal action. Not only will that get him out of your house, but probably out of your life forever.

Is he still your boyfriend? You never said anything about breaking up with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 4:12am
Hi

What I would do is tell him that he has a week to move out, otherwise I am going to change the locks. And if he wasn´t out in that time I would change the locks and pack his bags and leave them outside. And not open the door for him. And never keep in touch with him again.

Maybe you can also call the police and ask some help.

Good luck!

Katriella

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 11:25am
Give him a deadline (a couple days to a week is PLENTY at this point): tell him firmly that you want him out by X date, or you will take action (but don't tell him what, specifically). If he's not out by then, change the locks and put his stuff outside.

Sheri



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:26pm
Thank you all for your advice. I actually did it. I changed the locks and the security code, and his belongings are still sitting outside. I feel horrible, though. I haven't heard from him in two days. I'm positive he hasn't gone to work. All he has right now is the shirt on his back. He's gotta be getting pretty ripe by now! I'm so worried he's done something stupid. He told me once that he tried to commit suicide years ago. If something bad happens to him, it'll be all my fault. I told him if I found out he was doing drugs, I would not hesitate to throw him out on the street. Well, he went out Wednesday with his stepson, and the last time they got together, they were doing drugs. Around 2am I knew for sure what they were up to (I suspected before he even left), so I left him some nasty voice mails. And I haven't heard from him since. I know I'm not responsible for his actions, and I have to put my own well-being first, but I still feel so guilty! How do I forgive myself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 12:37am
It is easy to feel responsible for other people's actions, but please do not beat yourself up over this. We are all responsible for out own actions. No one else can tell us what to do or make us do anything. You should not feel guilty for anything because you did the right thing. By worrying about him and feeling guilty, he still has control over your emotions. Just don't worry about him... worry about getting yourself back to normal and starting fresh. He will be okay. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 11:13am
Congratulations on getting up the nerve to take a step closer to happiness and kick him out. I know it's tough and you feel bad....but it will pass. He's probably fine but wants you to worry and beat yourself up. Whatever he does is his choice and you aren't by any means responsible so get that idea out of your head. And most people that say they'll commit suicide (yes I know he didn't say he would but I feel he told you of his past experience for the same reason) are doing it as a ploy to keep you where he wants you and to keep you with him letting him sponge off of you. Don't fall for it. I know this is going to be tough for awhile but it really will be better for you in the long run since you obviously aren't happy with him. Good luck and keep us posted.
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