How do I keep No Contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
How do I keep No Contact?
1
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 5:24pm

I've been miserable since the breakup. I know that I need to get over him and move on. And not talking to him at all is the best solution. However, I've tried not talking to him before, but it never lasts. When I feel like I'm over him, he starts calling and talking to me then I fall for him all over again. If I stop talking to him again I'm afraid 1) he'll find someone else because i won't be there, 2) he'll come back to me and we'll run into the same problems again, and most importantly 3) I don't want to lose him. I love him so much and I still want him in my life.

How do I let go? What should I do if I get the urge to call/text/IM him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 7:57pm

Unfortunately, some of those things you are afraid of are going to happen. Your relationship has ended. That is sad and feels terrible, but as much as you want to, you cannot control your ex. From the sound of your posts it does not seem to me that you guys ever had a really stable, healthy relationship. Going back and forth is not really what you want out of a relationship, is it?

Trust me, I know how hard it is to be broken up with someone that you're still in love with. I am in that exact situation now. My ex and I both love one another and we both want to be together, but the reality is that we just don't make sense together. My logical mind knows that I need to get away from him completely so I can move on and so he can do that too. The fact that I love him makes that both easier and harder; the easy part is that I know if he talks to me he will never move on and I truly want the best for him, even if that isn't me. The hard part is that I love him and want to be near him.

At the end of the day though, you just need to remember the reasons why you are not together. Maybe they aren't obvious, but they must be there or you'd be together. If you can, make a list of those reasons and keep it with you so you don't forget. Then, if you feel like you want to contact him, pull out the list and remind yourself that if it is meant to be, it will be and then let the thought go.

I understand your fears about him moving on and not being part of your life. My ex is an extremely social guy, I be he already has a new girlfriend and that kills me. But, at the same time, I was not totally happy with him so it doesn't really matter who he is with now. I am certain that my ex and I had a good relationship when we were together, and so I rely on that... I know he won't forget those good times anymore than I am. And, as I said, if we're really meant to be we'll run into one another sometime in the future and things will work out all on their own.

I know it is tough, but hang in there. NC really is the way to go, so stay strong!

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Visit the Breaking Up is Hard to Do web page!

Nikki