How do I leave and Stay Gone??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2006
How do I leave and Stay Gone??
4
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 6:40pm

Help! Sure we all need a little. Please, beware, I'll keep it as short as possible but I don't want to leave anything out.

I am very unhappy in the relationship that I am in. I've tried leaving many times, but my boyfriend thinks that he literally will die without me. He's jealous, insecure, over-protective, and sometimes I can't even get out of the house to go to work without him complaining. I can't saw I've done nothing to warrant some suspicion on his part, and I swear I would leave if I could- I don't know what's wrong with me.

On numerous occasions when I 've tried to leave him, he's done such ridiculous things such as: jumping out of my moving car, walking through traffic, uncontrollable hysterical crying, and actions similar to stalking. I did get a restraining order recently when I left him, but ended up calling him two days later and getting back together.

He is m whole life even though I am extremely unhappy and know we shouldn't be together. Every time I actually get up the guts to break up with him, I either give in and answer the phone or find myself alone, unable to sleep and calling him at 4 am. He lives in my apartment with me (and he doesn't have a job.) God, he's so bad for me- we fight all the time, he doesn't let me go anywhere and I've lost all my friends, but I can't get away.

Help me, please! I know I should leave (and have made many attempts) but it's so hard because I do unfortunately love him. His family gives me money and buys us stuff all the time to try and make up for his not working, and it just makes me feel guilty everytime I try to leave him.

Any advice on how to leave and stay gone when I used to having no one but him?? How can I leave and move on when I don't have anything except for him??

Help!!

Ms. L

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 9:16pm

Until you break the cycle and stop repeating the pattern, things aren't going to change.

He's manipulating you with the "jumping out of my moving car, walking through traffic, uncontrollable hysterical crying, and actions similar to stalking"

He's contolling you with the: "He's jealous, insecure, over-protective, and sometimes I can't even get out of the house to go to work without him complaining."

Consider counseling for yourself to rebuild your self-esteem and give you the strength to stay away from him.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 4:29pm

I agree with itwinflame, this requires much more in the way of professional intervention.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 11:52pm
Ms. L, you have to think about the real reason you keep going back. Anything I or anyone else tells you is not going to change anything. I could say don't call him, don't let him live with you etc. But I think you cant't fully let him go, or your afraid of being alone so you keep calling him. Yeah, your going to be alone for awhile, because he isolated you and like you said you don't have any friends because of him. But you need someone to be with you other than him, go visit family, call your old friends and start slow. Go out for coffee or something and re-build your friendships,good friends will always be there. This guy isgoing to do nothing but make you age faster. You have to make yourself see that your life will be so much better without him. If he's saying he's going to kill himself then it's not your fault it he does, Its harsh, but its the truth. Think about it this way, he probably did the same thing to past girlfriends, and if he is really crazy enough to walk in traffic, then i say get away from him. How do you know he won't snap and try to hurt you? But by the sound of things he's already snapped a few times. just go.or kick him out. whatever. just end it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:56am

I have to agree with everyone else, although i understand what you're going through. I was in a very similar relationship a few years ago. When i left i would stay gone for a day or two and then get scared because i was alone and call him. This situation may be a bit more extreme than you realize. Because we are on the outside looking in we can say "just leave!" In my experience i realized that i wasnt without friends and family, they just weren't around because i wouldn't let them be. I knew a woman once that got a protective order against her estranged husband, he violated that and got thrown in jail, she felt bad, had it dropped and his bond lowered, early the next morning he was let out of jail and by 9:00 that morning he had killed her and himself. Unfortunately she was good at hiding the toxicity of the relationship from her friends and family.

In my opinion, you need to wake up early, gather your friends and family, and go get that protective order again.