How do i let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
How do i let go?
3
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:40am
Ok i know what you will probably say to me but i need some guidance here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 3:19pm

It's really hard to diagnose the issue here - you say you pull him back and he goes, but you can't get rid of him?

In general, the easiest way to get someone to believe that you mean what you say is to do just that. Say you'll do something and follow through with it. TEll him you want him gone, and mean it.

For example, my dad is an abusive husband, especially when I was away for school 8 months of the year. But there's a world of difference between how he treats my mother's threats and how he treats my threats. My mom constantly threatens to do something and rarely follows through whereas I never bluff. So when I was home for the summer, he used to be incredibly well behaved because he's learned the hard way that I mean what I say.

In the same way, everytime you (for example) tell him you'll call the police and and don't do it - he learns to respect your word less and less. And sometimes emotions are odd things. We can't control what we feel even if logically things are better if we're split up. There's dozens of examples of women on this board that hurt even when they've gotten out of abusive relationships. There's no shame in hurting, because there must have been some good things about him that led you to love him in the first place. The key is not to let that pain and hurt drive you into making a bad decision.

good luck!

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 9:12pm

Welcome to the board fireyspirit66,


Susanna gave you some excellent advice, I hope you can hear it and take it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 1:45am
Thanks for your reply well tonight i got an answer i guess i had been looking for.