How do I let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
How do I let go?
2
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:26pm
I've dated a man off and on for almost two years now - and it's coming to a close. He's a good man - and I think we could be really good together. However, he has never allowed this to really happen. He's very cautious and when we first met he was grieving for a lost parent. I have been there for him, I have been supportive, but he never really allows me in. If anything, he puts up a wall. He has also said that he has let me in more than he ever really intended to. It's been really hard for me because I really love this man. I also know that he loves me as much as he can at this time. However, he has a strong tendency to shut me out - for days and weeks when he feels down or when he's upset. It's incredibly hurtful. I'm going to soon be moving to another state. So this relationship will naturally come to an end. However, I feel so overwhelmed with sadness. At this point, he has shut me out for almost 2 weeks. I find myself crying without being able to stop at times. I have also done what I should not - I have called him - always unanswered. He emailed me last week saying he would call me in a "few days" - but that never seems to happen. I feel so distressed - angry and sad. I know I'm leaving - but I really wanted to end things on a positive note but this doesn't seem like this will happen. I feel like my heart is breaking and I feel so empty. I know it's time to let go but it's so hard to do this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 11:36pm
It looks like he's having a difficult time with letting go too. There isn't anything you can do in this situation. I think he will regret the way he's acting. I had a friend like this (an actual friend, not a boyfriend) whom I was very close to for a couple of years and when it was time for me to move away, he simply stopped speaking to me, saying that goodbyes were too difficult for him. He simply cut me off from his life three months before I left. I lost a really good friend, but it was his own problem. Don't feel bad for calling him. He is a sad, lonely man, and it's not bad for him to know you care. I'm happy that your move is forcing this relationship to come to a head. I don't think you could be happy about it now, but it seems like a good thing.
Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:36pm

Some men will put up walls when it comes to relationships no matter how awesome the person is that they are with. This can also be a sign that he has commitment issues and doesn't want to face certain life changing events like sickness, death, leaving, etc...

My ex had a terrible time facing stuff like this and he did put a wall and ran away from our relationship when things started getting to much in his life outside of our relationship. You will just have to accept the fact that it is HIM who has the problem and most likely he doesn't see it (just like my ex) and won't get help. Towards the end of our relationship my ex did shut me out when things in his life got to be too much and now I see that this is not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, I am doing a lot of self-healing and focusing on my needs by taking care of myself and my daughter. It hurts to no end that I don't have my ex in my life anymore but I look back on the last month of our so-called relationship and realize that he brought nothing to the table and I rather be alone than alone in a relationship.

It is so hard to let go and it will take time to heal but you WILL heal and move on with your life without him and maybe one day, if you two ever cross paths again, you can be friends.

Take Care!