How do I let go of him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
How do I let go of him?
2
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 1:29am

This is going to sound pathetic probably, but I seriously just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to some friends, but all they keep telling me is. "Time heals all wounds." and "It'll get easier." How though? I'll explain. See, I fell in love with this guy last April and we just broke up about two weeks ago. In that almost one year that we we're together I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life. He understood me in ways that no one did, he gave me hope and helped me to move on from something terrible that happened to me. But at the same time when we we're involved, I pushed him away from me. I never told him how I felt or what I wanted because I was to afraid to let my pride down and end up rejected by him in the end. Kept telling myself over and over, "If I don't let him in then he can't hurt me in the end." But- that didn't work, because as much as I tell myself it won't hurt it always dose. We loved each other SO much but all we did was hurt one another, it was like nothing but a ride that we kept on taking over and over because we didn't want to let go of what we had. He broke up with me, I broke up with him, we'd yell, fight and then make-up. I was pregnant with his child as well, but I lost it. When that happened he shut himself off from me completely, kept coming up with excuses as to why we couldn't be together. In that time, we both began to see other people. For about a month and then we went right back to each other. We we're off and on again up until January, and then just two weeks ago we began talking about our feelings and we both agreed that things we're no longer the same. (At that time we didn't think they we're) He is now seeing another woman, who he says he cares about but he is not sure if his in love with her...Because his still in love with me, he tells me that he loves me but he just can't leave this other girl because he doesn’t want to hurt her. Which his right she doesn’t deserve that, but if he loved me like he said he did then it wouldn't be as hard as his making it right? A relationship is about taking risk, he get's jealous too. When he finds out that I've talked to another man, he'll say stuff like, "Well, it's nice to see you two are getting along so well." And for some reason I feel like I owe him an explanation because I don't want him to be mad at me. Why though? I mean he told me to move on, he told me that he didn't want to hold me back since he was in another relationship. I tried cutting myself off from him completely but I got weak yesterday night and called him to just check up on him...and our feelings got the best of us and we told each other once again that we we're still in love. I told him how I felt, told him that I loved him and I didn't want to move on, and he did the same. Told me that we should be letting go but he just wasn't ready, but he still couldn't leave his now girlfriend.

I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and I've tried so hard to just forget him, told myself that it'll get better but it just won't. I have my days where I feel like everything will be okay, but then I have more days where I just cry...And I just want him there to make it better. I feel like I can't let go, and I'm not sure I want to but I do know I don't want to feel this way anymore. No one seems to understand though, they call him the bad guy and that his selfish, but they don't know him like I do. Some of this probably made no sense- and if so. I can't help it, it's all so confusing for me too, I just don't know to explain it anymore: This is a verrry bad heartbreak and I need some good advice.

What will help? What do I do...I know these feelings won't just go away, but there has to be something that will help. How can I let go of him? Why won't he let go of me if he is with another woman? Why do we keep doing this to each other and most importantly, will we ever be able to let go?

- Brit




Edited 2/1/2007 1:42 am ET by britxbrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 11:04am

Brit...

Pianoguy doesn't usually respond to lengthy posts. However, he's making an exception in your case.

YOU PUSHED YOUR B/F AWAY...correct? And your relationship has been "on-again/off-again" for 9 months! Doesn't this tell you something about a future for the 2 of you?

Judging from what you've written...NEITHER ONE OF YOU is mature enough to carry on "an exclusive relationship!"

So why not let the man date whomever he chooses...and you do the same! Patching things up over and over again isn't going to get either of you ANYWHERE!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 12:25pm

A few things jumped out at me.

1) he's dating someone, doesn't want to hurt her (but doesn't think that stringing her along and lying to her by seeing her is hurting her?) - sorry this doesn't fly with me. If he really wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. This tell me that he likes two women fawning over him, giving him attention, stroking his ego. Stop playing into that.

2) you pushed him away, so you feel guilty. You need to address this. You need to forgive yourself for pushing him away. When you do, things will get much easier.

By staying in contact with him, talking, hanging out, you are punishing yourself to appease your guilt. And you are THE OTHER WOMAN. As long as he is 'involved' with someone else, no matter what his reasons are, he is UNAVAILABLE.

You have the power her to change things. I hope you do.


Carrie