how do i move on??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
how do i move on??
4
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 2:51pm
ok ive just had my heart broken. let me tell you my story alittle. i met this guy 6 yrs ago, we were friends through our younger daughters. about 2 yrs ago our friendship turned into more and i ended up living with him. well i became a step mother to his girls which loved me and i loved them as my own.well abou a year ago we started having problems you see i have 2 girls that lived with us too and well we started argueing over our kids. the first time he kicked me out was in october and then we made up and got back together. well since then everytime we had a fight he would either threaten to kick me out or actually do it then we would make up.well a couple weeks ago he told me after a fight over how he is with his girls he needed a break. well i decided i really loved him and was gonna do all i could to save the relationship. i asked him if there was any other girl he was seeing or maybe wanted to see becouse thats the only way i wouldnt persue the relationship he said no. well i was over his house one night and he said he wanted to watch this football game in peace so i said ill leave now instead of when i usually would have, well my daughter left something there so i went back to get it like 20 minutes later and when i walked in he was there on the computer and i asked him are you talking to girls? he said yes and its over becouse im not dealing with this crap and shut the door in my face! i was broken! so now what do i do? how do i move on? i miss him but i know now he is wanting someone else and he doesnt want me nomore! i feel like i cant breath or move on anyone have any advise on how to move on??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 10:50pm

Welcome to the board lostnluv1,


When someone kicks someone out, if there is any talk about getting back together, couple's counseling is a MUST.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 10:57pm
thank you very much.im not sure how long he has been talking to her,things was ok til i made a stupid commit and he told me to go.that was about 2 weeks ago before that he called me and when i didnt call him he called my brother to have him to tell me to call surposedly to get the rest of my things but when i called he ended up telling me he said that to have me call, and we made up.that was maybe 2 weeks before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 12:58am

I'll make this brief since I need to sleep soon, but..

"things was ok til i made a stupid commit and he told me to go."

Don't blame yourself over this. ONE comment (however stupid) doesn't kill a relationship. Furthermore, if you two are living together, kicking you out periodicially on a whim is probrably not someone you should remain with. Telling you to move out should be the LAST RESORT. How long he's been in contact with other women is not really an issue here (thought it seems like it from where you are right now). No matter who he's seeing or how long he's been seeing her, or even if he is lying, the bottom line is that he no longer wants you in his life. From experience, I remember obesessing constantly about how my ex could change his love on ONE day because of one thing I said...until I realized however he arrived at that decision was irrelevant. It was over however it happened and no strong relationship dies over an incident. The demise of this relationship is not solely your fault. Repeat it to yourself until you believe it.

In my opinion, as a mother, your children should be your first priority, not your significant other. Your first aim should be to provide as stable a home for them as poassible. It means you shouldn't be moving in with ANYONE until you are absolutely sure your partner isn't going to walk away. And if it means that you need to wait until you have a wedding right, so be it. Children thrive best in a routine and constantly distrupting them with this on-off dance is unfair to them.

And lastly, hang in there. I know how much it hurts. The end of any relationship, no matter how bad it is for you, hurts a lot. And there's a board full of people who have or are going through the pain, and we're here to support you. Pick up some activities. Join the PTA at your girls' school. Take up knitting. Go running. Try to learn a new language. Get in touch with old friends. Read the guides that Carrie posted for more information. Find that great gal we know that's inside. But don't worry, it hurts right now, but the pain WILL fade.

Take it easy.

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 10:47am
thank you for your kindness. i agree with you about my girls.they do need stability and going back and forth isnt good for them. im living with my parents now in the home i grew up in...ill admit its pretty tough living with my parents again, i feel like ive gone backwards in a way. ive applied for a apartment im waiting to come through.i guess i thought that things would change and get better but it didnt i think it got worse.i have the hardest time letting go,i was married for 16 yrs and i was emotionally abused and well it took me forever to finally let go. i know this is best but man i feel so weak, its been 3 days since i last saw or spoke to him and it feels like forever and let me tell you im having all i can do not to contact him, instead i get on here and read these messages and well its amazing how it gives me a little strenth!thank god for you all on here...i dont know if i could get through without you! i just got up and well my first thoughts was of him...that makes me mad i was doing ok last night. i think about how he chose someone over me like i wasnt good enough...see im feelin weak now. i just want to forget him i wish there was a way to delete him from my memory. im tired of thinking!! well thanks for listening writing this does make me feel a little better.