How do I tell him that I want to leave
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| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 10:38am |
I have 3 kids. 17, 18, 20. (they are all at home, two high school and one college)
To make a long story short. I have been shutting down from this relationship for a long time, and have been staying while not being in love - I guess because of obligation / status quo, and the kids. The last two years I have been admitting to myself that I am not in love and I am not wanting to say married to my husband. I am afraid to tell the kids. (they are great / mature / and well adjusted kids) I think the oldest will handle it ok, maybe a little confusion and anger, but they don't like dealing with Dad and I thnk they will understand. My youngest - likes the fantasy I have created. She is confortable in it. I have tried to be honest (without any obvious insults or actually telling her that I'm not happy with Dad. I just don't hide my emotions as much as I did through most of our marrage)
anyway.. I tried to tell him last fall, I agreed to stay and work on things, and we have had our fights, tears, heart to hearts, and the love is not there. I don't want to stay with him.
But I don't know what or how to say it.
any suggestions or experience you can share would be most welcome.
thank you!
S

Hi suzi_q and welcome to the board,
I think a little short-term counseling on your own would help you sort through your emotions ad give you the strenght to do what you want and it will help you deal with the guilt I think you might experience once things start to happen and you see your kids reactions.
Through any of your heart-to-heart talks didn't either of you suggest counseling?
Thank you for your reply.
We have been to counciling on and off throughout our marrage. We always end up needing more counceling... I am going to a councelor now. It has been my bottom of my gut knowledge that I am not in this relationship anymore. and I am coming to understand how long and why I've been "out" of it. and why I stayed until now. but it is time. I am not in love. I care about him, but I do not love him as husband and wife. And I don't want to pretend any more.
Thanks again!
S
I could have written your post. I have been married 28 years. 2 daughters and 2 foster
children. It seems that for us, things went downhill when my husband got very bitter
over his job and a dispute with his brothers and father. He embraced his bitterness and
it seem to take over. I have put off telling him I wanted out because of all of the
years invested. But it got so that I was paying more attention to other men than him and
I convinced myself that it would hurt him more if I left than if I had an affair. Finally
I decided that it would be best just to tell him I wanted out. He is angry, hurt, but
mostly, he complains about the money he is going to lose.
There really is no easy way out of these things. You just have to dive into the water
sometimes.