how do prevent things from getting ugly?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
how do prevent things from getting ugly?
2
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:30am
I am with a guy that I unexpectantly got pregnant with and have stayed with because of the child we are having together in a month... I know that is no reason to stay with someone you aren't in love with and have decided not to be with him due to our lack of chemistry and true affection but also because of some things said. He said on a few occasions to a friend of mine that he can't believe out of all the girls he has been with he had to get me pregnant... he has made other comments before like he could "learn to love me" and things of that nature but this really hit hard. I am not a bad person, I consider myself a good catch but because of the nonexistent feelings between us I think it made him make such comments. I don't justify the comment made about being "stuck" with me out of anyone else and actually think that was so harsh and something you wouldn't even say about a friend. I really want to end things, I really am fed up, but I am 8 months pregnant and really really don't want things to get ugly. I have only been in two real relationships, one 4 year relationship prior and this one, and have no other children. I don't have much experience in breaking things off with someone and remaining friends for a child. I know I am lucky to not have to go through a hard divorce but like I said I have little experience with just breaking things off in general. Any words of wisdom?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:57am

I'm of the opinion that it's better to raise the child in a single parent loving family than to raise one in a loveless marriage. Eventually, even though good intentions may keep you together for the child's sake, the overall impact on the child is largely negative. Kids aren't as blind as we think...they can spot a lot of things we think we're hiding.

Have you confronted him with the comment? I daresay sometimes we say things we dont' mean when we're scared, and having a child together, especially unexpected, is a big shock to anyone. If he's willing to stick it out and take responsibility, I think it's worth a try to see if you can learn to be partners. Unfortunately I can't offer advice for amicable divorces/break ups with children involved, but I'm sure someone else can.

good luck.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 3:10pm

You are not alone. My ex husband and I split when I was 7 months pregnant with my son. I have been much better off without him. Besides, my ex wasn't the best role model so the fact that they only see each other a couple hours a week is a great benefit due to the type of man I want him to become versus the type he would have been if I stayed with my ex husband.

You need love, too. Don't settle for a man that you don't love and that doesn't love you. Any man worth his weight will accept you and your child when the time is right. Until then embrace single motherhood and try to be cordial with the baby's father. You can still be great parents to your baby without being together.