How do we proceed? Please help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
How do we proceed? Please help...
2
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 10:25am

I have been broken up with my ex for about 10 months now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 12:39pm

Hey krismae2006 -

I am going through something so similar so I totally know where you're coming from.
I've been broken up with my ex for 6 months now and a month ago he wanted to try to have some kind of relationship with me. Not a friendship, but to work on things together to see if we should go out again. He wants to try but he knows I'm in a different place. I finally thought I was getting over him when he decided to come and talk to me.

I'm going back and forth thinking, can I really trust this guy again? Do I really want to try again for the third time? And we both realized that we had no chance in hell for a successful relationship unless we both talked about whatever issues we needed to talk about. We had to clear the air before thinking about what we wanted to do, or at least what I wanted.

In your case, I'm sure that you don't want to get hurt again and that you've been through a lot of rough patches. But at the same time, you DO want to be with him it seems. It seems he does too, but he's not going to pursue you to no end if you aren't being receptive to it.

If you both want to be in a relationship, then you really need to honestly and openly talk about what you both want. You should express your feelings with him - that you think he wants to be with you because he's lonely, or that you're afraid that he'll hurt you again.
If he really wants to work on things, he'll prove to you that he's changed and that he's different, that he's worthy of being given a second chance.

You're in a position of power. You're basically over him so you can go either way - live life with him or without him happily. Therefore you guys can talk about the deep issues openly, because what do you have to lose? You both are already not together so it'll be like living your life as it was, or you both can realize you truly want to make it work, and then you'll be in a relationship with nothing left unsaid.

I think he's being distant because he wants you but doesn't want to want you because you told him you don't want to date him. So you need to figure out what you want, and don't be afraid to talk to him about what you want and what you both need to do in order to get it.

This is all up to you. Relationships are about taking risks and being vulnerable. If you can afford that with him and you think he's worth it, then I say go for it. You seem to really care about him. :)

Good luck to you and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 12:48pm

We hung out one night, and I had a few drinks and asked if I could sleep on his couch.