how do you cope with a break up?
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how do you cope with a break up?
| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 8:51am |
hi, ive been sat reading the blogs people have been putting on and i wanted to put a message on myself about my break up and if anyone has any advice.
i am in the early first few days stage of my break up from my boyfriend i have been with for 3 years. we are both in our 20s and at university an hour away from each other but from the same home town which has worked out perfectley untill he drops a bombshell that he doesnt think he wants to be together anymore. he said he doesnt know what he wants and has been feeling like this for a month and it isnt fair to string me along saying he needs a break when he isnt sure what he wants but maybe we can pick it on a while down the line.
i am so angry and hurt at him for doing this to me. i feel like he has spent the last month working out what he wants and stringing me a long without a clue and dropping this bombshell on me! we have never had a bad relationship and he has never been awfull to me which makes it so much harder, i feel as if he has decided hes not sure what he wants and he has just given up so easy. i feel angry that he has been feeling like this for a few weeks and i was oblivious to it all.
i have tryed to cut all ties from him to give myself a clean break and come to terms with it but how do you get over the temptaion of not wanting to pick the phone up and have a chat as normal. breaking the habbits we had is going to be so hard, not seeing his family who i was close to or hanging out with our friends and what about the first time you bump into them? what if he wants to get back together in a month and i have had to put myself through this, how do i forgive him for breaking my heart?
i do want us to be freinds because we had an amazing relationship and a good freindship i just think we grew apart.we only leave in a small town so bumping into each other is going to be hard and we didnt have a final chat so i know there is going to be a point we were will have to meet, exchange each other things we still have but how long before i should do this and how do you stop your self from crumbling?
writting this on a website wouldnt usually be my thing but after reading other peoples problems its reasuring to know that other people are going through the same thing as much as you feel so alone and your emotions are all over. i know time is a great heeler and ive never wished time would go faster! x
i am in the early first few days stage of my break up from my boyfriend i have been with for 3 years. we are both in our 20s and at university an hour away from each other but from the same home town which has worked out perfectley untill he drops a bombshell that he doesnt think he wants to be together anymore. he said he doesnt know what he wants and has been feeling like this for a month and it isnt fair to string me along saying he needs a break when he isnt sure what he wants but maybe we can pick it on a while down the line.
i am so angry and hurt at him for doing this to me. i feel like he has spent the last month working out what he wants and stringing me a long without a clue and dropping this bombshell on me! we have never had a bad relationship and he has never been awfull to me which makes it so much harder, i feel as if he has decided hes not sure what he wants and he has just given up so easy. i feel angry that he has been feeling like this for a few weeks and i was oblivious to it all.
i have tryed to cut all ties from him to give myself a clean break and come to terms with it but how do you get over the temptaion of not wanting to pick the phone up and have a chat as normal. breaking the habbits we had is going to be so hard, not seeing his family who i was close to or hanging out with our friends and what about the first time you bump into them? what if he wants to get back together in a month and i have had to put myself through this, how do i forgive him for breaking my heart?
i do want us to be freinds because we had an amazing relationship and a good freindship i just think we grew apart.we only leave in a small town so bumping into each other is going to be hard and we didnt have a final chat so i know there is going to be a point we were will have to meet, exchange each other things we still have but how long before i should do this and how do you stop your self from crumbling?
writting this on a website wouldnt usually be my thing but after reading other peoples problems its reasuring to know that other people are going through the same thing as much as you feel so alone and your emotions are all over. i know time is a great heeler and ive never wished time would go faster! x

Hey,
I am sorry that you have to go through this. My situation was somewhat similar being that my ex and I had a great relationship and he never really did anything bad to me then the break up was just thrown on me. We ended June 4 and the first 2 months I kept contact with him because I just didnt want to let it go and thought we were going to get back together. If I could do it all over I definitely would say DO NO CONTACT FROM DAY 1... Then only way you are going to get him back (if you want him back) is to completely break contact, dont call, email, text IM!
We hung out one night in July and talked for about 5 hours, had a great time, it was like everything was normal. Then we kissed (we had been drinking)and that set me back to the beginnging. A couple of weekends later I bumped into him at a Bar. Again, I went over and we talked for about an hour and danced etc. BROUGHT ME BACK TO THE BEGINNING AGAIN. Advice- if you bump into him just wait for him to talk to you and if he does try and keep it short and go spend time with your girlfriends.
I don't personally think it is possible for you to be friends with your ex if you still love him. It is not possible to just cut those feelings out... especially in the beginning.
I am on day 17 now of no contact and have definitely been feeling so much better. Of course I still miss him and want him to want me back but now I am finally doing okay on my own and know I can survive without him. The fact that he didnt call me on my birthday might have sped the process up a little bit...
I hope this helps...
Meg
I agree: no contact is the best thing you can do for yourself. And also: pamper yourself, fish for sympathy from all your friends (except your ex, of course), make plans to go out, work out, dance, something that combines physical exertion with fun and company, and stick to them.
Here's a pretty good web site that helped me (I know it sounds silly that some self-help site could do that but it did - it's something that took a load off my mind in that it gave me a blueprint of what to do when I was not able to think for myself, I was in so much pain): http://www.enotalone.com/article/2521.html
Unless there's any item you really, really need (like a mobile phone charger) that he has, don't bother with the stuff exchange until a month or so has gone by. If this has not been said yet, tell him explicitly not to contact you for a month or two.
It's really hard at first but things will get better fast.
As to getting back together: you really do have to get over this breakup first, and feel happy and good about yourself again. Just work on that, it's much easier than worrying over what may or may not happen with him. Besides, that's out of your hands right now anyway.
Welcome to the board gal_louise24,
Every time you feel like picking up the phone, pick up a pen and paper instead and write him an UNSENT letter. Tell him everything you want him to know, then burn it.
Here's some ideas that have worked for others:
How To Get Over Your Breakup