How do you deal with the blame game?
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| Wed, 04-11-2007 - 7:44am |
OK. We decided that we are going to be adults about our situation: he stoped loving me and I can't continue dealing with his drinking and his depression (which he refuses to get help for), so we are now seperated.
Everything was great, we even agreed that he could stay in the house until we get everything in order before we go our separate ways. We were actualy smilling again, he planing his now "bachelor" parties with his friends and looking into getting stuff for his bachelor pad; while I was planing how to transform the basement (his current living quarters) into an exercise room and other rearrangements around the house. We were both doing everything in our power to make this easy for all the parties involved...until last night.
He started doing the blame game, he was blaming me for being estranged from his family. He is the one who refuse to talk to any of them, to even acknoledge that he has a family and he blames me for all this. I'm super family oriented, some people say that I'm even too close to my family, so that really hurt. He was blaming me because his family decided not to like me and he picked me over them (I had no clue about that either...apparently they were trying to convince him against the marriage ...on our wedding day...at the church).
Like I told him last night, I will take any blame he trows at me just to keep this easy and without any challenges, but I will not be blamed for his family, that one I cannot be blamed for since I tried everything I could to get them close...they, including him, refused.
How do you deal when the blame game starts? I have no intention of becoming the War of the Roses 2007 version. How do I get out of this?

Hi foreverhopefull -
Refuse to play.
I found out what is happening to my Ex and his "blame game" routine of last night.
He is upset that I'm giving him exactly what he wanted...his freedom.
He is the type of person that want's his cake and eat it too. He wants it all, but you can never tell when it's one thing or the other he wants.
So now, I'm keeping up with my "I'm happy with our decision and I can't wait to start moving on on my own" routine I have going for me. I think it's too important to show him that my life did not die with our marriage, it's moving in a different angle.
Thanks for your advice. I will use it well.