How do you get over it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
How do you get over it?
6
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 2:50pm
What advice do you have to help get over someone? How do you stop your self from thinking about him all the time,-wondering if he's thinking about you, wondering what he's doing, etc? How do you stop yourself from thinking " what if I had done this or that, would we still have broken up? In other words, please tell me HOW you move on and get through this??
Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 3:19pm
unfortunately I am in the same boat as you. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago saying he needed a "break" and I am sitting here not really knowing what the rules of that is. So yes I sit here amd wonder what he is doing, who is he doing it with, does he think about me, is this as hard for him as it is for me, you get the point. I'm guessing only time will take care of the pain. It's almost like when you are a drug addict and you have to go through withdrawals in order to get the need for the drug out of your system. In other words, the suffering is essential to get thru it. There doesn't seem to be any shortcuts. All you can do is try as hard as you can to put it OUT of your mind, impossible I know but you have to try. Watch movies, listen to upbeat music, spend time with friends, go for walks, pamper yourself. Don't stay out in the water and drown, swim to shore, dry off and just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 3:31pm

Here you go...this is a link to a post that has excellent, practical suggestions...and they WORK, if you stick to them:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmendingbro&msg=9612.1

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 3:33pm

Thanks for answering. I have read a lot of this board, going down the list to several months back. All I can say is that I am really happy I found this board. My friends are so sick of listening to me. One friend tells me " just keep feeling your feelings. It's bad to stuff your feelings" Another friend says "just force yourself to think of something else" I don't know which person is right. One thing I read somewhere in a post below, was to make a list of things you didn't like about him. For me that will be hard, because we got along so well, but there were a few little things that irritated me. Everyone keeps saying to keep a journal, which I have been avoiding because it just seems like it is more of the " just dwelling on the pain" But at this point I am willing to try anything. I am so sick of feeling like this. It's been almost 4 months, and I just wish I could go through one single day without thinking about him.

Of course, at work, it's better, because I am busy. But in the evenings and the weekends, it's really hard, because we spent every mintute together. LIke I said, I am so thankful I found this board. Thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 8:38pm
You know, the key is giving yourself time, and even after you give yourself time, you will still think about that person, but it will be very minimal. Take it one day at a time, and pray alot. It helped me. It's been 6 mos, and I still think about "him" everyday, but the pain is minimal. Man in the beginning, it was so painful and unbearable, I didn't know what to do with the pain. I drove myself crazy, and sat at home feeling sad and depressed. But as time went on, it got easier and easier, and my crying spells got far and between. I recently lost my father, and the pain came back all over again, and I began to feel the urges to call him and speak to him. But I rode it out, like I did the initial break up, and after 3 weeks, I'm almost back to myself. Those techniques to help you forget and move on, work for everyone differently. What worked for her, might not work for you. I did try some of them, and the one I noticed worked was when I began to think of him, I would say stop to myself, either out loud or to myself. But after awhile, I thought it was crazy, and I just accepted that, it's ok to think of him everyday, and miss him. It's really ok, because I know for sure, that one day, I won't think of him everyday, because I know I will be in love again, and that new love will hurdle me over the past. Being patient is the hardiest thing to do, because you want that instant fix, and I realized that, getting over someone doesn't work like that. Getting over someone, completely just take time, and a slow process. I accept that, and I have moved on, but not moved on yet to where I don't think of him anymore. I haven't met that special person yet to take my mind off the ex, but it's gonna happen, I believe that, and you should too. Take care, and let us know how your doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:10pm
Thank you for responding. I know it's going to take time. Coming to this board has been a big help already. It sounds strange but it really helps knowing you aren't alone. It's been weird for me because I am in my 50's and this is the very first time to go through this( Not that it hurts any more or less at any age) Like I said in another post, I have lost two husbands who died suddenly, and this is more painful. Knowing that he is out there, going through his day to day life, has kept me dwelling on it. When I lost my husbands, I was sad, but at least I felt like they were in a good place and didn't do this to me on purpose. I think the ideas given to me here are all very good and are going to help. I have felt a lot better today than I have in a long time. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 10:53pm
EMRACE YOUR GOOD DAYS, AND I MEAN EMBRACE THEM, BECAUSE YOUR NOT SURE WHAT THE NEXT DAY WILL BRING, ESPECIALLY EMOTIONALLY. WHEN I FELT GOOD, I WOULD WRITE IT IN MY JOURNAL, AND WROTE WHY MY DAY WAS GOING GOOD. I EVEN WROTE THE BAD DAYS, JUST TO REFLECT, AND TRY KEEP ME FOCUSED. JOURNAL WRITING AND PRAYING WAS THE ONLY THING THAT GOT ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY. I STILL WRITE, AND I PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. I PROMISE YOU IT WILL GET BETTER. IF YOU CAN ENDURE AND SURVIVE THE PAIN OF LOSING 2 HUSBANDS, PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK, BECAUSE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU LOST DOESN'T COMPARE TO LOSING THE TWO MEN WHO TRULY LOVED YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE MARRIED AND IN LOVE. I CAN'T WAIT TO FEEL THAT JOY, SO LOSING YOUR EX IS NOTHING. STAY STRONG AND KEEP US POSTED. TAKE CARE