how do you get over the loss of sex?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 10-29-2006 - 7:32pm |
My husband is planning to move out and apply for a divorce on Nov 1. I don't want him to of course and am trying to prevent it but realizing that I have limited ability to do so. He is a good man, but has really wanted to have children. I'v tried but I'v had 3 miscarriages and one stillborn baby in the last 24 months and have just recently told him that I cannot do this anymore. for my physical health and my mental health. I have also told him that I don't want to adopt. I want to live childless now. My husband said he cannot live that way. He is being fair in everythng and feels very bad. He is going to give me everything that I want, furniture, money, the car, but wants to move on with his life before he's too old.
This has been very hard for me because I still love him obviously and he says he loves me, but is upset about my refusal to enter the adoption process.
Today is just occurred to me that I will never have sex with him again. We haven't had sex in so long because of complications with giving birth and I had an infection, but our sex together was so good before and I was looking forward to it happenning again soon. My sex drive has finally woken up after months of being dormant inside me. I really love him and miss having sex with him and can't stand that I won't ever be able to again.
Can someone please tell me how to get over this? This is almost like a physical need that I feel, it's sex with HIM not anyone else that I want. Will my desire disappear over time and what if I can't find another man as good as him? (I'm 39 so my prospects aren't like they were when I was 29)

I am not going to answer your question about sex right now because I am a little concern on why you don't want to adopt if you think it is going to make your husband happy and it sounds like you want to have children anyway. I am a 40 something single mom and I gave birth to my child but I am looking into possibly adopting another child. If this is the only reason he is asking for a divorce, you might want to rethink this adoption deal. I feel rather you give birth or adopt a child, that child is yours and always will be.
Now if it is too late to save your marriage and you really want to be childless, you do have to face the fact that your ex will have sex with another person BUT so will you down the road. My ex dumped me 4 1/2 months ago and I miss the sex life we had but I am not going out to have sex with someone just to have sex. I need to be emotionally involved with someone before sex comes in the picture.
I don't think you will get over the fact of him having sex with another person or the fact that you won't have sex with again until you move on and feel that you can have another realtionship with someone else. This is going to take some time but during this time, take care of yourself and don't dwell on what he is doing or who he is with after the divorce. I went through a divorce almost 3 years ago and I concentrated on taking care of me for a about a year mentally before I could get into a physical relationship with someone.
I really do wish you the best.
i'm so sorry to hear this...anyways if ever you start dating guys again be very careful...you never know you who you will end up sleeping with and they might had some std's or hpv...its very scarry...just like today i was searching over the internet about hpv's...cuz one of the person i knowed just got diagnous with it....imagine all the person she sleep with our rich person...they are doctors, business man and nurses....this people you will never suspect that they do have it....esp doctors....yikes....now she got hpv's....i was thinking earlier...i rather be single than having this disease...i know you propabbly telling me use condoms....nope even you used condom...you could still get it....skin to skin contact.
anyways maybe youll tell me is out of your topic.....you mention here you had some infection...is that one of the std's....maybe i was wondering if your husband cheat on you thats why you got this infection....
by the way about having baby dont give up.. my friend sister in law...she got miscarriages also foUr times AND MUCH OLDER THAN YOU...but they never give up....now they have a wonderful baby boy...JUST ALWAYS PRAY TO GOD...actually to be honest theres a lot women out there...THAT ARE/STILL ARE trying to have their own kid/kids...and having hard time having one.....but they never give up....and believe or not they got it...
about your husband talk to him....if you could get some advise from the expert do it....its better trying it than nothing at all right? GOOD LUCK