How do you get over ur ex??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
How do you get over ur ex??
2
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 3:22pm

Ok so this might be an obvious question but i cant seem to get over my ex!

My ex finished with me 2 mths ago and since then we go a few weeks without talking, then one of us will text the other and we end up meeting and sleeping together. Each time i promise myself its the last time, but as soon as i hear from him again i desparetly want to see him again and for an hour or so he's my boyfriend again and its exactly like before. I know i should stop seeing him, but the though of not seeing him gets me more upset and i dont want to carry on like this for the next year or so!

I know he miss's me but says he doesnt want a girlfriend, part of me is hoping that he'll change his mind but maybe im just kidding myself??? Everytime i decide to explain to him i dont want to see him again i decide not to because i know i'll just get upset and cant face it being 'final'. Obviously this is driving me mad, i just want to be over him but at the same time i want us to be together and for it to be like it was. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 4:33pm
Well, the first step is "no contact". You can't maintain contact with him, and believe that one day he will change his mind, and the both of you will be a couple again. Right now, he has told you that he doesn't want a girlfriend, and you have to believe him, and accept his decision. One day he might change his mind, but he won't change it as long as you continue to talk to him and have sex with him. He now has a FWB relationship, and of course he's happy with that. Having sex with him, clouds your judgement, and stops the clock from letting go and moving on. You have to at least maintain a long period of time of not talking to him.You have to be 100% completely over him, and right now, you are not. Stop the madness, because your just hurting yourself, and in the end of it all, it will be harder to let go, and you will be in a vicious cycle. Take it from me, letting go, and NC is the hardiest thing to do!!! I have just reached my 1 year anniversary of NC. It has been hard, but I did it. I had no choice, and you don't either. It only hurts you in the end, and the pain is sometimes overwhelming, but it does get better, and right now, I have emotional peace. You can do it, if you chose, but "us" women don't realize the damage we do too ourselves, by holding on, and just wishing and hoping, one day, "they" would change their minds. Sometimes "they" do, but usually when that happens, "were" already moved on, and were done with it. So pray, and ask God too help you. God is good, and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be where I am today. Posting on these boards helped a lot. Wish you a lot of luck!!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 7:12pm

Dev is right. You have a choice: the pain of continuing to see him and being in limbo, hoping for something that will probably never happen (with no end to the pain in sight), or you can choose to stop seeing him, which will be painful for a while but that pain will end eventually, and you'll be ready to meet someone who DOES want a relationship with you.

I know those are not very good options, but unfortunately those are the only choices.

Sheri