How do you get thru it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
How do you get thru it?
5
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:31am
I just found out that the man that I have been friends with for 8 years and dating for 2 years is cheating on me. We had a great relationship and I am not a dumb cookie when it comes to knowing if someone is genuine or not. I just knew something was wrong for about a week - my gut told me. Anyway, I was right. (long story how I found out)
How do you get thru it? I found it hard to even get out of bed and brush my teeth this morning - let alone get thru the day. I am a complete mess.
Any suggestions/support would be greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 12:00pm
Hi.
When did you find out that he was cheating? Have you broken up with him or are you taking a break? Did he tell you why he did it? Not that there is an excuse...
My boyfriend split up with me today so I feel your pain.
At the end of the day you definitely deserve someone who will treat you better, I know its hard but its better to have a couple of months of feeling like crap and to meet someone who is lovely than to put up with being treating like that and give him an invitation to walk all over you. Please be strong. :)
If you want to talk my email is fluffypole@go4.it feel free to email me.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 1:25pm

I'm sorry to hear that--how awful for you!

The answer to your question is, you get through it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. It will probably take at least a few days for the initial shock and hurt to wear off, so be forgiving and gentle with yourself. The most important things right now are to not have any contact with your ex and to take care of yourself...focus on those two things for the time being.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 9:46pm

If so soon after the break up, you are already thinking about how to get though it and move on, as opposed to thinking in past tense terms, or how to get back together (something a lot of people do when a relationship comes to an end, particularly on a very hurtful note) you should be happy to be a few steps ahead of the game: wanting to move forward, and wanting to feel better.

Everyone moves on after a relationship ends in their own time, and in their own way: for some, it is immediate, for others, it is a process. There is no right or wrong way: you have to find, and do, what is right for you, and that may take a few tries to figure it out. Just keep reminding yourself you deserve more than what you got, and if your ex couldn't give it to you, you are determined to find 'better' for yourself.

Don't blame yourself, don't get lost in trying to understand what your ex did, don't think you could have done things differently to prevent what happened (cheating was his decision, and he is responible for the outcome) and don't invite any contact with him until you know you are feeling stronger.

And don't feel along - it has happened to others, they have felt what you are feeling, and they have also moved on as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:13pm

just try to take one moment at a time. even if it's as simple as reminding yourself to breathe. try to go out - to the store, on a walk, whatever just get you out of the house. talking to family and friends helps and pampering yourself watching sappy movies might get you to at least release enough tears to get moving again.

hope this helps and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 12:46am

haleyhart,

I can realte to what you are going through. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. About a year ago we hit a rough patch in our relationship and I caught him at his mothers house in his old room with another woman, and she was married. It was hard and to this day I still have trust issues because of it but for the most part. I loved him enough to look past his faults and mistake and love him for the man I fell in love with. I am not going to paint a rosey picture because that is not real, but you do get past it. You never will forget but once you truly forgive whether you get back
together or not but you have to forgive him so that you can start to heal. I know this sounds like some Dr. Phil advice but I have lived the nightmare you are going through.