How do you handle your anger?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
How do you handle your anger?
14
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 2:45pm

Lots of anger and hurt this weekend,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 4:21pm
I looked at my list of things I wouldn't miss that I posted : )

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 7:25pm
I worked out, the endorphins feel great. And since the break-up I have lost 15-20 lbs and have gotten toned so I look better than ever (certainly better than before the break-up) and what's that they say about looking good is the best revenge....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:09am
I love it!!!

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:55am

After being dumped 4 months ago, I made a pro/con list on my ex and to my amazement, I had two pages of cons and about 5 things on the pro list. I go over the con list in my head when my anger hits (lately it has been daily) and see that his lack of being a man just doesn't jive with my future or my daughter's life. The main thing is that he LOVES his bachelorhood of drinking and hanging with his buddies and this doesn't fit in my daughter's life at all (major con). I also write my anger feelings down in a letter addressed to him and then tear the letter up. I wish I had a picture because that dart thing is a great idea but I deleted all pictures of my ex that were on my camera.

I really think the anger stage is probably the worse stage of a break up but it will pass and time is our best friend right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:13pm

I keep writing letters that I never send.

Then I cry.

While I'm exercising.




Edited 10/23/2006 12:14 pm ET by devuchka

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 1:26pm
My boyfriend of 12 yrs broke up with me last Feb.I went thru a deep depression.At the same time I started to attend a nondenominational church.We practice meditation.It has worked for
me.Concentrate in your breathing,listen to soft music.I do this every day.When I feel angry
at him,I read,go for a ride,to the gym,call my friends.I keep a journal where I write what I would like to tell him right on his face.Sometimes I have a glass of wine.I feel great,I don't feel lonely,I keep myself busy and I'm having fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:06pm

Whenever I feel angry I think about two things: One is that when I feel anger towards my ex I only really hurt myself. Secondly - I think that anger is only something that covers up other feelings so I try to identify those feelings instead of fueling the anger. This is something Dr. Phil talks about in "your" book ;-) Wish I had figured that out BEFORE we broke up...


The problem for me is dealing with missing.

One Little Ladybug
One Little Ladybug
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:48pm

I don't want to be angry. I am trying to understand why I feel upset?
I do like the last post about being angry is only covering up your true feelings. I have figured out that when I am angry, it is because I didn't get what I expected from him. And I have feelings of being embarassed because I opened up as to what I wanted and he didn't feel the same way. We were on different pages.
I had high hopes and then he didn't fulfill what I was ready for.

But how do you stop the missing him part?
I get upset with myself for missing the good times.
And then I replay it in my head and eventually get to the part where we break up and what was said.
And think about how I felt when those words came out. Not very good. And why miss something that just isn't anymore?

Where do you "file" all your feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 5:16pm

I personally believe you create what you focus on so if you expect someone to treat you with respect and thoughtfulness then thats what you get but if you expect them to neglect you then thats very often what happens. Of course some people just have serious issues and really dont have anything to give but when it comes to fairly normal and stable people I think this is a good thing to keep in mind.


Regarding expectations, I dont know. Sometimes we try to get something out of other people that we should be creating for ourselves. Its ultimately your own responsibility to make yourself happy, not his. But if he really wasnt what you hoped for then thats ok.


The missing factor really puzzles me because we do miss things that are no more, like when someone dies. I guess its just something that we have to deal with.

One Little Ladybug
One Little Ladybug
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2002
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 5:48pm
I feel stupid for not even knowing how to deal with this breakup. We have been together for 6 years and this is our second major break up. It took me a year and a half for him not to have an affect on me. If I would have thought for one second that we would break up again I would not have put myself through the trouble of getting back together. So you would think the second time around it would be easier, but now I am in denial. I don't believe this is real and everything is taking over me all at once. I am angry, hurt, sad, confused, scared. We have a five year old daughter together so me trying to be vindictive will only turn out hurting her. To make matters worse, he keeps telling me that he needs his space but he hasn't made any effort or attempt to move out. So not only do I have to deal with the break up but I have to face him daily. Maybe this is why I am in denial. I don't hate him and I don't blame him for the break up, we had a good relationship we just couldn't see eye to eye which kept us at each others throats. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. But how am I supposed to deal with that?

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