How do you just shut it off??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
How do you just shut it off??
8
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 2:37pm
Ugggh...I'm really struggling here. I wish there was a way to just shut off the thoughts of him completely. I feel certain that he has done it with me so why along with the pain, are there constant thoughts of the good times, his face, us together, his voice!!! It's crazy that I think I'm thinking of him more now, than when we were together! I guess its because when we were together I could think about my work, what I needed to do..etc. Knowing that I would talk to him soon enough. Now all of a sudden he's out of my life and I can't get him out of my head! Make it stop!! I know you all know what I'm talking about, anyone have suggestions on how to STOP the thoughts???? HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 2:52pm
I know exactly what you mean.
My BF of 3.5 years just dumped me on Friday. This is after he was away for 5 months and let's just say that in the 2 weeks since he came back, we've had little time for each other.
Im not sure what to do anymore and I'm sick thinking of how I waited so long for him to get back home. The long distance was rough and I threw myself into work to get away from my loneliness. But that left little time to tell him how I pined after him and missed him. He decided that I didn't love him as much as he did b/c I wasn't calling or text messaging him like crazy as he would have.
3.5 years gone!!!
He's so over this relationship and how I let my job just consume our free time. He's not emotional. His family thinks I didn't give enough to him. And it SUCKS that I AGREE! Can we say REGRET??? I'm changing my ways b/c I see what my mistakes were and that being so career-focused would never have given us a chance to be happy and build a family.
BUT - he wants nothing to do w/ me. This hurts so much that I get panic attacks and long sobbing periods.
Oh lord I just want this pain to end...!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 3:34pm
I know sooyi, I think back to the mistakes I made and keep swearing if I just had another chance I wouldn't make them. I can relate to the pain. I hope that you find peace through friends and family...I know I'm driving mine crazy but it's the only way to deal with the pain. Best of luck and keep posting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:19pm

I think I basically FORCED myself to stop thinking about my ex. I knew it caused me pain, so I told myself that I wasn't allowed to anymore. Everytime I would start to think about him, I would quickly try and distract myself, think of something else, etc.

I wasn't in denial...I had just gotten sick of thinking of him and bringing myself down. I think I had finally reached the point where I needed to suck it up and move on. Maybe you're not ready for that yet...be patient with yourself.

And don't be so sure that he's not thinking of you...but don't let that give you false hope either. Who knows/cares if he is? It doesn't change what happened between you two. Eventually you will grow to find that you don't even care if he's thinking of you or not...because you won't be thinking of him either! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 7:57pm

I'm right there with you. I made so many mistakes along the way - though I did the right thing at times too. The straw though was when I decided I should be totally selfish and yell at him about something he said that hurt my feelings. HOWEVER - I was actually NAGGING at him on this issue and I didn't realize it. It took him walking away to understand that I was a NAG. I never even apologized for either being a nag or for yelling at him and not treating him with respect. I just got lost yelling at him and left thinking that I was in the right - even though I had no idea why....

It's scary to think of how much of an awful person I've become recently and why I've decided to take it out on this man I claim to love and cherish. What's wrong with me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 12:06pm

sooyi,

sometimes we get angry about things. if one instance of you yelling at him made him walk, then there was something far more detrimental to your relationship than a nagging instance. two people get a relationship to a bad point. maybe you didn't see the signs, maybe he just didn't know how to end but either way, just learn from your mistakes and try to learn from them.

right now, i'm upset at myself because i know if i'd just shut up about my hurt feelings i might get to be with my bf in bd right now - but i said something and i got upset and told him that i really didn't like him anymore. and now i'm alone and wondering why i'm so dumb. but, it's right to be honest when someone hurts your feelings and if there's no way for it to get better then the end is a good thing, for sure.

keep your chin up, move on and be a little wiser.

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 4:08pm
Guys you're making the mistake that I did -
DON'T beat yourself up about 'nagging' him or whatever, he gave you reason to!!!!
My bf of 3 yrs split with me on Friday, I know that I'd been 'nagging' him constantly, but that was cos he could never be bothered to come see me and always put everything first. (My post 'Happened Again....)
So pick yourselves up, dust yourselves down and remember that one day when you're a little stronger, you will find the man who deserves you and treats you right. That's what I keep telling myself!
If anyone ever needs to talk I'm at fluffypole@hotmail.co.uk
Chin up ladies things can only get better!
I still feel like sh*t but I haven't cried yet, just distract yourself in any way possible - I've been on the net for 12hrs today lol not exactly healthy but my friends have gone away! It's worked though to a point.
Just remember that the crap feelings do go away, that's what I keep telling myself. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 7:07am
Hi ka, I have an idea for all those
     
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 10:25am
What I do to stop the hurt of thinking of my ex is to do other activities that take my mind away from anything else. I will read a book, go to the driving range, come online to read the news, etc. There are so many things that we can do that will occupy our time. The worst thing is to sit around and mope. At least for me that just makes it worse. I keep thinking and hoping that things will change. They won't and I need to realize this, so I have decided to pick myself up and move on with other things.