how do you keep from calling him
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| Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:00pm |
I am unhappily married, for 13 years, and met someone online, and have been dating him for 7 months now. He, too is MM and is unhappy, we both have kids..oldest is 11. This OM made me feel things I havent ever felt before. He was tender, giving, fun, all the things my Hubby was not. I felt alive again. We both give each other the attention, appreciation that we dont get from home. Things for the first 5 months, or so went great. ( He lived 1 hour from me) so we saw each other once a week, if we could work it into our schedule. After about 4 months we realized we were in love with each other. I had told him upfront, I will not leave my husband.
Well up until 4 weeks ago, things were going well. He had a long business trip, and was gone for 3 weeks. That is when things changed. He had alot of time on his hands to think things over. He was trying to uncomplicate his already complicated and hectic schedule ( and fitting me in he was finding hard to do) with all the demands of his new promotion, the family life and his hobbies.) We saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. We sometimes just met for lunch to just see each other, to talk.
But finally last weekend, when we spent a few days together,on the last day, he said he couldnt do this anymore. He said it was too difficult to be with me and "not have me". And the hurt was more than he could bear. He said some days it bothers him and some days, it doesnt. But for the last few weeks, it has. He doesnt see me leaving my H. He is trying to do some soul searching, to figure what he wants in life and if he is going to leave his wife. After our trip, he kissed me goodbye and told me to call him tomorrow, like we always do, this was Saturday. So i called him, because we usually talk everyday, and it is now Tuesday and he has not returned any of my calls. He left so many things up in the air, I want to close them, so if he really wants to end this relationship, I can feel that I gave it my best shot and it was on as good as terms as it can be. I know the relationship is over, but I just cant leave the unanswered questions, unanswered.
I just dont know how what to say and how to get him to call me back. It is so hard to just end things without really saying goodbye and feeling like everything was said.
Confused and sad and not sure what to do.
Please help!
K

Welcome to the board...
Thank you for posting your story, and I'm sure that you'll find support here.
Three little words:
Just Let Go.
I realize in your situation it's a whole lot easier said than done. But let's face facts: both of you are married with children, and you knew going into it that you'd never leave your H. While it's true that you could've decided to just carry on with the affair for many years as some people do, I think he realized that you were both headed for a dead end.
Let him go.
Even if he never calls you and if you never hear from him again, you'll be fine. Whatever else that you wanted to say to him but didn't get the chance, put pen to paper and write it all down in a letter. Then burn the letter. Don't send it to him and don't leave it around where your H or children can find it. It's simply a way for you to "purge" your feelings so that you can move on with your life.
Take care,
Heymum