How do you know you're over it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
How do you know you're over it?
5
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:37pm

How do you know when you're over it?

My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. The relationship was only 6 months but it was my first real relationship and I thought I loved him. I was OK with the breakup at first because he was not commited and I didn't want to be with someone who was unsure about being with me. We had no contact for a few weeks and I was upset about all the things we wouldn't be able to do as a "couple". We started talking sporatically again and I thought I was completely over him because I had no need to call him and was interested in other guys. We started school in September so I saw him again everyday. (I was in a different city during the summer when we broke up which made things easier). I kept my distance at first but slowly we started getting closer again.. Then suddenly he started dating someone else (despite telling me he didn't want a relationship) I was COMPLETELY DEVASTATED. It felt like he betrayed me and we broke up all over again (Even tho we weren't actually back together). Maybe part of me thought/hoped he would come back to me when he was ready for a relationship again?.... Everything hurt so much more this time and I'm way back at square one in healing...

I'm starting no contact again because I clearly got attached to him again when we started talking more and it made me feel like I wanted him back.

It's almost the point where the post-breakup time is longer than the length of the relationship itself. Is this normal?

How do I know when I'm "over him" and why am I still attached when he has treated me badly and I know we're not right for each other? Thinking of him and this new girl feels like daggers into my heart...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 10:42pm
you won't be thinking of him as much or if you do your thoughts won't be as emotioinally charged... at least from my healing experience that's what i can say about it... you'll feel it. you'll just know it's happening when you least expect it.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:47am

Actually, that's my test for knowing I'm over someone. If the thought of him being happy with a new GF doesn't bother me a bit, then I'm ready to be his friend.

Yes, having a prolonged recovery is normal if you don't maintain no contact long enough to get over your ex. By being in contact before you're ready, you just put yourself into a holding pattern/limbo situation. It took me 3 years to get over a 4 year relationship a while back, in large part because I allowed my ex to keep in contact with me. It wasn't until I blocked him from calling me that I was able to finally move on. And now we're friends--I never thought I'd see THAT day, that's for sure!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:23pm
thanks for the post sheri, that's really nice to hear that you are finally able to be friends, that is something i hope for eventually, but it's only been 2 months for me. i'm trying SO hard to stick with no contact cause everyone says it's the best thing to do, but now that my ex is saying he wants to be friends, it's really hard to say not right now, even though i know deep down i'm not ready. nothing awful happened and he was wonderful all thoughout our relationship, but his behavior during and since the breakup have caused me to want an apology from him, that i don't know if i will ever get. i guess i need to accept that. i'm trying to let him deal with his guilt and whatever other feelings on his own by not responding, but it's hard. i feel like he wants me to say, "you're right, i caused the breakup, it's my fault." and then he'll feel better. who knows...all i know is i don't think i was all at fault, partially but it takes two, it ALWAYS takes two, in my opinion...and the behavior since the breakup is NOT ok. does anyone else feel this way? anyway, thanks for your post...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:02pm
Just think Positive, relax, focus on yourself,do yoga or any form of exercise (it is said that exercise releases and eliminates stress), go dancing, and just enjoy life. When you focus on everything that you want to do then you'll know if your over him. This guy clearly dosn't deserve you, and there are plenty of men in this world you just got to wait for the right one. When people focus, care, and love themselves they attract people.So don't give up!
GOOD Luck,
Alexi
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:33pm

yap thats hard....even let say that its been a while that you guys on break and one day you find out he start dating again....the worst part is that you know he lied to you by telling you he doesnt want to be in a relationship...ofcourse you felt betrayed right???

i think guys used this excuses..so they wont look bad. esp the word "I'M BUSY"....but dont feel bad..atleast you learn fron this exp right?? to be honest not all guys make mistake...we do too and we just dont know it that we are making some mistakes....and this mistakes that we make is THE NUMER ONE reason thats why their loosing their feelings and give them reason to break up with us...you probably know what i'm talking about right??

am not saying it was your fault thats why he broke up with you...I'M TALKING IN GENERAL..just like in my situation i know its not the man i dated who has problem..ITS ME CUZ MAYBE I'M SO JEALOUS, I LIKE TO LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE TELLS ME(LIKE BAD STAFF ABOUT HIM) AND MOSTLY MY INSECURITY...now i want to make sure before i jump in to a new relationship....i know i need to work things for myself first...WELL MY ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT OFCOURSE LIFE MUST GO ON...THIS IS JUST A BEGINNING OF THE ENDING.

GOOD LUCK