How do you move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
How do you move on?
1
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 8:23pm

Hello, I am new to the board. My DH and I have been together for 11 years, married for almost 3 and he is moving out tomorrow. We have been together since 10th grade, he was my first love, my first everything. We have an 18 month old son. He has always had a problem with communication, for some reason he has a hard time talking to me. I guess it goes both ways sometimes. He has cheated twice, and can sometimes be selective in what he tells me. One of those things where if he leaves it out it's not a lie exactly. I have forgiven him and loved him no matter what he has done because that's what you do when you love someone right?

Well I found out that he has been talking to this girl for a few months now. A girl that hates me passionately and has told me that she was going to ruin my marriage. I told him about her threat and he told me not to worry about it. I have tried to get him to go to counseling, but he always has an excuse not to go. So finally last week he said he was going to move out after he got back from his business trip which is tomorrow.

He told me that he did love me once but he can't find that feeling anymore, he doesn't know what happened or when. Mind you that he has been telling me that he loves me and he can't live without me, that he would be lost without me. How can he change his feelings so fast? I don't understand how he can turn his back on me and his son. I'm not perfect, but I have been wonderful to him, put up with a lot more than anyone else ever would and supported him no matter what. What did I do wrong? My therapist says nothing, but it seems like if I didn't do something wrong he'd be staying in our home instead of leaving.

I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I can't imagine my life without him. We were happy and in love once. How do I move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:47am

My heart goes out to you. I'm familiar with the feeling that you must have done something wrong - otherwise why would he be leaving.

You didn't do anything wrong -- remember that. Don't let this guy acting like a jerk, make you doubt yourself. I know it's hard.

Now, with that said, the best thing you can do is to focus on the good things you still have - your son, the things in your life that are without your husband (hobbies, friendships, family, etc.) Try to spend time focusing on these things actively. It's ok to cry and wonder and journal and feel the pain. If it gets to be too much, there is no shame in seeing a professional (I've done it and it's one of the best things I recommend.) The new Vanity Fair just came out and while it's kinda a silly thing to read, Jennifer Aniston is really inspirational as someone who's dealt with a man leaving her and her trying to pick herself back up. You might check it out, just for something to relate to that will help you feel strong, and not so alone.

Good luck and try to keep your chin up! You'll get through this...promise:)