HOW DO YOU PICK UP THE PIECES ?
Find a Conversation
HOW DO YOU PICK UP THE PIECES ?
| Sun, 10-22-2006 - 7:52pm |
Can someone tell me how to pick up the pieces of my broken heart?
HOW TO STOP CRYING? I wish that he would come back to me, but he is no good to me!!! We were together for 3 ½ years. He cheated on me left after 2 ½ years, took 2 months break, came back for 8 months and left me. He knows that he is my life and that I can’t live without him but he will not even talk to me?
HOW DO I PICK MY SELF OFF THE FLOOR?
I can’t seem to get up and be ok! I wish that he will come back but he treats me like s*** and puts me down. I still love him and I know that he can’t control his anger and inside he loves me too. I know we are not good together, but how can I tell this to my heart?? I miss him, I need him, and I can’t seem to be ok! I feel so empty inside. I am all alone, and he does not even care! I don’t know how to be ok with out him?? I feel as if I have lost it and I am losing me inside the pain, all I think is about him being with someone else!! I don’t want her to have him! He was all mine!!! I don’t know how to be ok. He is my first love, I am only 20!!! I feel as if one day I will stop breathing, would he care then? He said that he will never leave me, that he is family? He did not even tell me why? He stopped calling and will not pick up the phone on me. I went to his house, no answer from him. I feel as if one day I will lose it!! I can’t breath!!
How and when does it get better?
HOW TO STOP CRYING? I wish that he would come back to me, but he is no good to me!!! We were together for 3 ½ years. He cheated on me left after 2 ½ years, took 2 months break, came back for 8 months and left me. He knows that he is my life and that I can’t live without him but he will not even talk to me?
HOW DO I PICK MY SELF OFF THE FLOOR?
I can’t seem to get up and be ok! I wish that he will come back but he treats me like s*** and puts me down. I still love him and I know that he can’t control his anger and inside he loves me too. I know we are not good together, but how can I tell this to my heart?? I miss him, I need him, and I can’t seem to be ok! I feel so empty inside. I am all alone, and he does not even care! I don’t know how to be ok with out him?? I feel as if I have lost it and I am losing me inside the pain, all I think is about him being with someone else!! I don’t want her to have him! He was all mine!!! I don’t know how to be ok. He is my first love, I am only 20!!! I feel as if one day I will stop breathing, would he care then? He said that he will never leave me, that he is family? He did not even tell me why? He stopped calling and will not pick up the phone on me. I went to his house, no answer from him. I feel as if one day I will lose it!! I can’t breath!!
How and when does it get better?

You have to grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been. Until you grieve for the ending, you can't move forward. You also need to re-define love. Love is not grief. It's not the ache of missing him. It's not about cheating, deceiving and lying to a loved one. It's not about making someone else the source of our happiness. Happiness comes from within you.
Even if he came back, how long would he wait before he cheated on you again?
Consider some short term counseling to help you build your self-esteem and figure out why you have put up with being treated this way.
My best to you.
Carrie
Elana,
I know a little bit of what you are feeling. My bf cheated on me too and criticized me a lot and lied to me about a lot of things. But I still miss him too. It doesn't have to make sense to miss somebody, you miss the good things always, even though the bad ones are gone.
Please believe though that this pain is better for now to get to the other side -- where you will find someone who CAN control his anger, and who cherishes you like you deserve.
You may not believe this, but I look back at all the boyfriends I dated and I am glad today that I am not with any one of them, even though they seemed so right at the time. The person I have become today is so far from the shy teenager I used to be, and I did not stop my life to stay where they were at in theirs.
It will get better. I can't tell you how or when, but take a deep breath and look at yourself in the mirror -- that is who you have. And YOU are the most important one to think about now.
Hugs.
You have to work on it!! You dont get better without making an effort to move on.
It hurts but once you convince yourself he is no good for you and that you two are no couple you will feel better. In your own mind block thinking of him as YOURS. Try to imagine him as a stranger. Take care of yourself and learn from this experience. You will only get stronger. You are still young and will meet many other men. Most probably they will be more interesting and charming. You learn from experience to be more selective. Learn to enjoy being single and seeing men competing over you. Listen to music you like. Do sports and if you live in a warm sunny place spend time outdoor.
Give yourself a week to think of all what went in your relationship after that be ready to embrace life and give it all yout energy. Read about relationship to learn for the future...
hugs
Thanks to all who wrote back to me!! Thanks!!!
I am really trying to be ok but it’s just really hard!!
When ever I start remembering us I think of what could have we had! I see my life and can’t imagine him not being there anymore. We were supposed to get married or that’s what he said, we were supposed to move out together when I finish collage in a year. I always remember us being happy and how much we loved each other. It is really hard to let go of someone who isn’t even breaking up with you but really just telling you to f*** off! It hurts to know that I don’t even get a proper good bye! I really want to know why he left? I wish he would just let me know! I deserve an explanation! All I do is just sit and think why he left me! I keep on waiting for him to come around but for what I am never good enough!
I just want the pain to go away! I want to let him fly and let go! I keep on holding on to this dream that’s a lie! I wish him the best, I do! I just wanted to be in his future. I am just now learning to breathe and smile again. I am getting better at least now I am eating and going to school again, I take it day by day, BUT I JUST WANT HIM BACK!!! Even thought he is a cheater!
ALL I WANT IS TO BE OK, when?? No one knows!
thanks
Hi - I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, but you are STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I read your posts and a few things stood out to me . . . I mean what I am about to say in only the most positive and supportive way. Here goes:
When ever I start remembering us I think of what could have we had! I see my life and can’t imagine him not being there anymore. We were supposed to get married or that’s what he said, we were supposed to move out together when I finish collage in a year. I always remember us being happy and how much we loved each other.
I THINK THAT WHEN RECALLING THE PAST IN A RELATIONSHIP, WOMEN TEND TO REMEMBER ONLY THE GOOD THINGS OR AT LEAST WE ALLOW THEM TO OUTWEIGH THE BAD THINGS IN OUR MEMORY. IT IS OUR ROMANTIC SIDE, AND IN A WAY, IT IS WONDERFUL THAT WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO THIS. BUT, IT CAN ALSO BE DANGEROUS FOR US. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE REMEMBERING ONLY THE GOOD PARTS AND APPLYING THOSE PARTS (HAPPY, LOVE) TO WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOUR FUTURE WOULD BE. IT MIGHT HELP YOU TO FORCE YOURSELF TO RECALL SOME OF THE BAD THINGS (I.E., THE CHEATING, PUTTING YOU DOWN, NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL HIS ANGER) AND APPLY THAT TO HOW YOU WOULD IMAGINE YOUR FUTURE WITH HIM. THINK ABOUT HOW YOU FELT EVERY TIME HE PUT YOU DOWN AND WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE CHEATING, AND MULTIPLY THOSE FEELINGS BY THE NUMBER OF TIMES THE SAME WOULD HAVE OCCURED HAD YOU MARRIED THIS MAN. THAT WOULD BE QUITE AN EMOTIONAL BURDEN FOR YOU TO CARRY, AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.
I still love him and I know that he can’t control his anger and inside he loves me too. I know we are not good together, but how can I tell this to my heart?? I miss him, I need him, and I can’t seem to be ok! I feel so empty inside. I am all alone, and he does not even care! I don’t know how to be ok with out him??
YOU ARE ATTACHED TO HIM. EVEN THOUGH HE TREATS YOU SO BADLY, I'M SURE YOU HAD MANY GOOD TIMES WITH HIM, AND HIS PRESENCE MADE YOU FEEL SAFE AND SECURE AND OK. WHEN YOU LOSE THAT FEELING, EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW HE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU, YOU CRAVE IT B/C IT IS SOOTHING AND WILL MAKE EVERYTHING OK AGAIN. YOU WANT IT AT ANY COST TO YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY. I KNOW, I HAVE BEEN THERE. ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT YOU ALSO HAVE THAT WITHIN YOURSELF. IT IS SO HARD TO FIND IT, I KNOW, BUT WITH TIME IT WILL BE EASIER TO FIND, JUST TRUST THAT YOU WILL FIND IT AGAIN. I'M SURE YOU HAD IT BEFORE YOU MET HIM. IT ONLY NOW SEEMS LIKE YOU NEED TO GET IT FROM HIM B/C YOU WERE USED TO GETTING IT FROM HIM FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.
I feel as if I have lost it and I am losing me inside the pain, all I think is about him being with someone else!! I don’t want her to have him! He was all mine!!! I don’t know how to be ok.
AGAIN, YOU DON'T WANT "HER" TO HAVE THE WONDERFUL HIM. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM, BUT PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER THAT HE WAS NOT ALWAYS WONDERFUL. HE WILL BEHAVE THE SAME WITH HER.
He is my first love, I am only 20!!!
YOU'RE GOING TO FINISH COLLEGE, AND YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL MEET A MAN WHO IS WONDERFUL, BUT WHO IS ALSO RESPECTFUL OF YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS, AND WHO WOULD NOT LIE TO YOU OR CHEAT ON YOU BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU SO MUCH THAT HE WOULD NOT DREAM OF IT. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO LIFTS YOU UP INSTEAD OF BRINGING YOU DOWN.
OVERALL, I DO THINK YOU NEED A BOOST TO YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. I AM 32 YEARS OLD, A LAWYER, SUCCESSFUL IN MANY WAYS, AND STILL HAVE VERY LITTLE SELF-ESTEEM. IT COMES FROM INSIDE, NOT SO MUCH FROM YOUR EXTERIOR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. YOU ARE SO YOUNG AND I HOPE YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND NOW.
PLEASE PROMISE ME THOUGH THAT IF YOU MEET A MAN WHO PUTS YOU DOWN AGAIN OR CHEATS ON YOU, THAT YOU WILL TELL HIM "GET THE F@#$ AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW!" IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE AND YOU REALLY SHOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER TAKE THAT FROM A MAN. IN FACT, I HOPE YOU ARE ABLE TO APPLY THAT SAME ATTITUDE TOWARD YOUR EX SOON.
I wish you all the best!
Lil Lil Kitty
Well....I know what it is like to have someone you love not answer the phone or return your calls because that is how my ex broke up with me 4 months ago and to this day, I still don't know why he did it after having an intense, loving 8 month relationship together. Sounds like you are in the beginning stages of this break up and you are going through the roughest part. I to was constantly crying, not eating or sleeping for a couple of months and wondering what he was doing or who he was with. Right now, time is your best friend and your days are going to get better but don't expect it to happen over night or anytime real soon. I am still hurting from being dumped 4 months ago but my days are FINALLY getting better and a lot had to do with having no contact, surrounding myself with friends and family who love me and concentrating on ME not him. The one thing I did was make a pro/con list on my ex right after our break up and to my amazement, I had two pages of cons and only 5 pros. Everytime I get down about my ex and feel I want him back into my life, I go over those cons in my head and it gets me through the day. I do know now that my ex and I wanted different things in a relationship and his lifestyle didn't include my 6 year old daughter. I am a better, stronger person because of this painful experience and I have learned a lot about myself and you will do the same, just give it time.
Weekends are the worst so start making plans for the weekends the Monday before. Keep yourself busy and don't worry what he is doing (really, who cares?). Please don't spend very much time alone right now, call friends and family and ask them if they would like company and I bet the answer will be yes. You are only 20 so take this from a 40 something mom, you will find another, I promise you that and you will look back and say why in the world did I spend time and energy on that cheating ex?
Take care and remember everyone on this board is here for support.
Thank you for the kind and supporting words! I will make that list of pro and cons and probably, no I am sure there is more negative then positive on the list!!!
If a guy does not include ur daughter in the plans then f*** him, children are the best thing in the world and if he did not fall in love with ur daughter then he is obviously not the right guy for you!!!!
Thanks for ur support!!!
I know weekends are the worst, but my friend is my savor, she takes good care of me and always lets me now that I deserve better and that he is nothing!!!!
Thank you, hugs!