How do you survive and not give in?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
How do you survive and not give in?
4
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 8:34pm
My bf of nearly three years (LDR) proved to me over and over I could not trust him. I kept making excuses and after this last time (found out he had an alternate MSN screen name he hid from me and had girls on it he chatted with...I don't know if it was flirting...sexual or just friends) I asked him if I could have him install "CheckMyPc.com" or some other monitoring software and he could on my computer too so as to ease my fears. I just couldn't bear another girls phone number turning up or another girl messaging me etc....after giving my trust and my heart to him again. He is refusing. He says I just have to trust him and he is bringing up one time 2 years ago when I wouldn't let him look over my shoulder while I checked my email. He says "now you want to concede when you WANT something" ...yeah, I want something...trust restored. Well, long story short, all my friends say that I have to get some self respect and let him go. I told him today that without some kind of security that he was not or would not cheat on me I can't go on like this. He said "Your loss babe" So I said "goodbye" and I want to stick with it so badly. However, 5 hours later...I am dying to hear his voice...dying to talk to him, to hold him, to hear him say it will all be ok. How do I stay strong in my convictions? I do believe that he is up to more than I know and I don't have any trust. That is enough to show we do not have a healthy relationship. What should I do? I can't "busy" myself...all I can do is think of him. I can not stop crying. Help! I do not think I can make it. I can't listen to music...it all makes me think of him. I can't talk to friends, I am driving them nuts with my tears. Any suggestions at all?

Thank you so much,

Scared and alone :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 8:44pm
I feel for you. I am going through the second day of a break up. yesterday was easy b/c I was out of town, but back home is hard. I will be online if you want to chat.

Megan
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 9:18pm
you can do this. if you realize that the relationship isn't healthy, and if you truly believe that he is not making you happy (or treating you right), you need to move on. he obviously has no respect for you, and doesn't care whether or not you trust him. not a good sign.

believe me, i know how hard it is. i've bought almost every self-help book i could, books on breaking up, books on moving on, etc. and read them frantically. it's actually helped a lot. i have a greater understanding of relationships and behavior, and it makes it easier to cope.

you have to stick to your guns, though. if you give in, he'll realize that he can just walk all over you and you'll come back to him.

enough is enough! you're strong, beautiful, and worthwhile. so find someone who thinks that! i know that no other guy will satisfy you right now, but please give it time.

i know you hurt, and when you're hurting, you're not exactly rational. that's totally okay, and it's totally normal. there are people here for you, and if you ever need to talk, you can email me or instant message me. i hope this helped you a little bit!

hugs, jenna

blargleargle@yahoo.com

aim: deathxbecomesher

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 11:58am

You can do it!







Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:12am
This is the most difficult time....everyday will get easier though. Just surround yourself with people who love you and will help you. Try to keep yourself busy, and have fun. Do things you couldn't do while you were with him....

Some stuff that helped me get thru my last HORRIBLE breakup about 2 years ago, was I would write a list of everything I HATED about him. THen I would make a list of everything he did wrong to me, and how he hurt me. (because sometimes when you get over the anger, its hard to remember how they hurt you) Also, I kept a journal. I would write in it everyday how I felt....it helped a lot. Eventually (a lot sooner than I thought) I didn't have to write in it anymore. The first few weeks of a breakup are the absolute hardest. It is when you are tempted to email, call, text him but DO NOT DO IT!!!! It will only make it harder. You need to make it a clean break. (none of this "being friends"...that only makes it WAY harder)IF you start to get tempted, distract yourself. Call a friend, take a bubble bath, read a book. Music really helps, if you listen to the right songs...."Life goes on" by Leann Rimes helped me a lot.

Also destroy any pics of him or you together or just of him. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him...you have to physically and mentally put him out of your life.

I'm so sorry that you are going thru this, and I know everyone says time heals all wounds, but it is so true. It really does. Try reading some inspirational books. THat helps. Sob to your girlfriends, keep busy, do things for yourself. Do things to make you feel better about yourself; take a bubble bath, do a facial, buy a new outfit, get a tan, workout, etc. At no other time is it more important to take care of YOURSELF, then in the times of a breakup.

And last but not least, just remember that not all guys will hurt you this bad. You are very deserving of a respectful, nice, sensible guy. You will find him someday, but only when you are ok on your own. Just be grateful that it happened now, instead of 10 years from now when you look back on your life and wish you had stuck to your word and not gone back. You deserve so much better....just be strong and remember that you will make it...you just have to have faith in yourself. The human spirit is stronger than anything that can ever happen to it.

Good luck! I know you can do it! (: