how far to go for no contact?
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| Wed, 10-25-2006 - 12:20pm |
OK, to avoid making a complete fool of ourselves, we avoid them: no phone calls, no emails, nothing. However, there have been a few posts be people that live with, work with, or share friends with their ex.
Where does the no contact thing stop being good and turing into really obvious or petty.
ie., if you work with them and you walk into the lunch room and there he is; do you turn around and walk out or do you put on a fake smile and make chit-chat?
If you are room-mates, do you go out 4-5 nights a week and stay in your room the other nights or is that going to seem immature and pathetic by your ex and other room-mates?
If you are going to extremes to avoid him, making it obvious, isn't that almost as bad as confessing to him that you are not dealing well?
No contact is one of the best ways of dealing - it prevents you saying and doing things you will regret. If you can keep your pride you'l feel a bit better. BUT can no contact at all also be detrimental?
If you keep being mature and talk when you have to see them, it should make them see you in a better light, yeah? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I agree, but them seeing your behaviour as immature seals the fate of no relationship and no friendship later, no?
? or am I just making excuses to get away with talking to him sometimes? :)

You do the in-between--if you are co-workers, when seeing him is unavoidable, you nod hello and keep moving, without stopping to talk. If you HAVE to talk about work, you keep it strictly professional, no personal talk.
That's not immature, that's self-protective. Stopping to chit chat with him is just going to stop you from moving on, as you've discovered.
I don't get the sense from your posts that you understand the reasons for no contact. It's not about pride, it's about creating distance so you can move on and heal.
Sheri
Apathy is the response you're looking for if you have to contact someone. As in need to, not making up reasons to. ;)
Sometimes being business-like when you're not usually just shows that you still care. Not caring is the goal...
Good luck!