how to get out of a 2yr relationship
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how to get out of a 2yr relationship
| Wed, 02-14-2007 - 11:32pm |
I have been in a relationship for about two years when about 2 months ago I tried to end it. I tried to end it because he was very very attatched to me, and I felt we were to dependant on each other, and I wanted some freedom. He had issues of his own, and so did I. I never had a serious relationship before him, and I felt that I needed some time to date other people. The problem is, I really can't end this relationship. He wants to marry me, and he thinks I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He is not the most emotionally stable person, and I'm really the only person he has to to confide in, or talk to. I don't want to leave him with nothing, but I feel so tied down. I tell him well only be apart for awhile while I get a chance to date other people, but I still feel tied down, like I always have to come back to him. He is completely in love with me, and I just don't know how to end this the right way.

Hi Melinda and welcome to the board. I'm not sure their is a 'right' way. By what you wrote, no matter what you say or do or how you present it, he's going to be upset and hurt. Have you talked to his family about his instability?
I feel for your situation. It sounds familiar. You sound like you hold yourself responsible for his emotional problems. Why is that? Why are his burdens your own. If you feel you need to end this relationship for whatever reason - you have a right to do that. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Even after two years, you still don't have to make excuses.
This guy does indeed sound clingy. It would drive anyone crazy. Do you think perhaps the reason the relationship hasn't completley ended is because you feel guilty? If you do feel guilty, don't let that hold you back. It sounds like you are letting this linger on, possibly because of your guilt. You aren't doing this guy, or yourself any favors. You need to end it once and for all. He doesn't sound like he deserves a girlfriend to "kind of, sort of" want to stay with him. That's not fair for anyone.
If you aren't happy, just end it. You don't have to explain or apologize. Don't lead him to believe that the two of you might possibly be able to be together again. If you know that to not be true tell him. You cannot hurt someone with honesty in the long run.
Have you ever read any books on codependency? You might find them helpful. Especially if you are the sort of person who holds themselves reponsible for others.
Good Luck
You aren't doing him or yourself any good by not being HONEST with him. Stop being a coward. You obviously care for him and because you care enough you want him to be happy. He has to know something is up and maybe he is turning it up a few notches in hopes to win your whole heart. You must feel bad for continuing to let him believe it is working.
You will be a better person and have some growth if you allow yourself to be honest with yourself and him and right away if you truly are wanting to move on. It does hurt the thought of how you or he will feel breaking up but what will hurt more is if you continue on in the relationship. We must trust in one another to be upfront to be honest, to not hold back. IF you continue for more years, you will side swipe him and he will all of the time have trusted in you that everything was ok. If your unhappy and feel bad at all now think about how it might feel 1 week 1 month 6 months or years if you keep going this way. Maybe if unsure,then take a breather by spending some quality time alone with your self (NO dating others) to get more understanding of how your feeling.
You obviously care for the guy and that is why you MUST and SHOULD want more for him. You want for him to be with someone who wants him and LOVES him with their whole heart as he has given you. Someone who wants, likes, values, believes or similar as he does for him. Live for today it's about you and your guy and what's going on right now. Don't let the ideas of dating and what will happen after breaking up interfere (that just hurts).
Best wishes Melinda. Think positively and remember love, learn and appreciate who you are.
ok enough already if you're not already gone or asleep!! yvette