How to get over the ANGER?
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| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 4:33am |
Hi everyone,
I recently finally ended a two year relationship with a man who I thought truly loved me. I am not the naive type, I like to think i'm smart enough to know if a man is just playing me. So, my ex and I shared genuine loving moments but for reasons I will never fully know, he was dishonest the entire time we were together. I found text messages and phone calls to ex gf's, other women, and recently found out he had slept with another woman. After forgiving him for flirting with other women and contacting his ex, I started to realize that I would be better off without him. It's weird but he wouldn't stop contacting other women but yet when I tried to break up with him he would be totally hurt and very willing to make things work. I think it is his insecurities that led him to seek affection from other women. anyway, so finally I had enough! I spent almost two months preparing myself mentally for the breakup I knew was inevitable and I told myself over and over that he was not the one for me and that I was fed up with the emotional ups and downs. I'm glad to say that he has been out of my life for four days, I know, it's only a few days but I do not plan to speak to him again. I hope he never calls me again.
I'm writing this now because when I think about all the stuff he was doing behind my back it makes me soooo angry at HIM! I am usually positive in my life and luckily I seem to be happier since I finally ended things for good, but I am angry at him to the point where I feel like beating him if I had the chance. Not seriously. I mean, I could have done it the moment I found out he had slept with another woman. I could have gone crazy and called the other women and started problems or tried to ruin his lil relationships with them, etc. But I didn't do any of that. I never contacted those other women, or would I care to show up to his job or home and do something crazy. I just feel like telling him off so badly and I'm struggling with that because I never felt this way toward him. Just a week ago I had loving feelings towards him and now its like I truly hate him. I'm sure he would never guess I feel this strong about what he did to me. It's not so much sadness and I don't wish he would die or anything. I just feel like I shouldn't have taken all of this so calmly, almost like he got off the hook so easily for what he did to ME!
How do I cope with this anger I feel towards him? Seeing that I plan to have NO contact with him..hopefully ever! I don't want to hate all men or suspect that they'er all lying cheaters (i've been having those type of feelings lately). I assume this will go away with time but is there anything I can do to help me get to a point where i just won't care?? I want to feel NOTHING when i think of what he did, rather than like I wish I had a punching bag to beat up. That bastard was soooo disrespectful to me, he never cared about how much his actions hurt me or anything. I can't believe i put up with so much. I wish he could pay for what he's done to me...

Ahhh, but he will pay for it. You may not hear about it or see it with your own eyes but, eventually it will come back to him. Promise.
I felt exactly how you do. Not only was I angry at him but, I was also angry at myself for letting his disrespect last for so long and accepting it. Forgiveness is the only thing that took those feelings away. It took me a very long time to get to that point but, eventually I did.
Now he's calling me, four years later. I don't get any satisfaction in this fact, I just always believed that it would happen someday.
Good Luck :)
I just posted on my thread and then read yours...amazing all the stories here are so much alike...each post could be written by any of us...
I feel the anger too....Ive thought about showing up on his doorstep when he returns next week from the beach and telling him off....but I think thats a big mistake. Because I will only look weak, needy, hurting etc...I think people should have to face those they have hurt and see the damage they have done, first hand in person, but it probably wont matter to them anyway, because people like that (cheaters, liars) they have no heart or "good emotions" for if they did they wouldnt treat someone like a doormat in the first place......
Maybe someday after time has passed Ill drop him a note and tell him what I think of him but for now Ill just exercise, and maybe punch a bag! lol to get by. Seems like that way holds more self respect!
Good luck to you and I hope your anger passes just as mine does...but maybe it has to last a little while while we get strong!
Have you read about the stages of grief? Anger is one of those stages and it's necessary to go through in order to get to the other side. I definitely find it to be the most uncomfortable stage--it's so hard to deal with!
I do lots of journaling, call friends and vent, exercise (I've never done it but maybe try a kick boxing class?)--and eventually it passes.
Sheri
Welcome to the board
I had an ex like this once.