How to get over a crush?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2005
How to get over a crush?
14
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:40pm

I posted before about having a huge crush on one of my coworkers. He has a girlfriend, and he's also technically my supervisor (at least for the next 3 weeks, then we'll be the same level). I don't know what it is about him. It isn't his looks really, because I didn't notice him when I first started here; but the more I get to know him, the more I like him. Sometimes I feel like he's just perfect for me. Of course there's nothing I can do about this since he has a girlfriend (who he's been with for 2+ years, although they did break up once about a year and a half ago). I don't care that we work together, since I know I could easily get another job, but even so, it just isn't going to happen. How do I take my mind off of this??

I've tried a lot of things, I've been on dates with other guys, but no one seems to measure up. I've spent so much time trying to convince myself to like someone, anyone else, but I can't make my myself do it!

Any advise?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:53pm

hi neatnclean

actually i dont want to be involved between you and throughtheringer...maybe both of you are getting missed understanding here...come on girls were here to comfort each other not to harm right...i mean i understand both of you maybe throughtheringer just being honest to you neatnclean...coz maybe (i'm just assuming)on her experience right...AND MOSTLY OF IVILLAGE MEMBER HAD THEIR BAD EXPERIENCE W/ OTHER GIRL TRYING TO STEAL THEIR BF..AND SHE JUST SAYING THAT YOU "MIGHT" DO SAME THING LIKE DOES BAD GIRL...I MEAN TO BE HONEST NEATNCLEAN I BELIEVED YOU WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU JUST ADMIRED THIS PERSON (NOTHING WRONG WTH THAT) AS LONG YOU DONT GO THAT FAR AND I KNOW YOUR NOT THAT CHEAP PERSON....WANT TO BE WTH A SOMEONE'S LEFT OVER RIGHT!!!! AND ALSO DONT WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE HERE AT IVILLAGE MEMBER REPORT BOTH OF YOU...COZ TO BE HONEST 2WEEKS AGO THIS GIRL HERE SHE REALLY PISS ME OFF AND SHE WAS POSTING SOMETHING THAT REALLY ANNOYED ME..UNTIL WE END TO A BAD CONVERSATION SOMEHOW SOMEONE HERE REPORT BOTH OF US(I'M NOT SURE WHO DID) BUT THE MAIN BOARD MEMBER EMAIL ME THAT WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT IF NOT THEY WILL TAKE OF YOUR MEMBERSHIP HERE AT IVILLAGE BLAHBLAHBLAH!!! WELL FOR ME I GUESS JUST CUT THE CORD TO END THE STORY... GOD BLESS YOU

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:26pm

Well, I certainly didn't interpret the poster as saying she wanted to steal someone's boyfriend. Actually, she was coming here on advice on how to curtail this crush before it got too far. And I don't believe anyone has the ability to steal someone from another person. We are all individuals who make up our own minds. Yes, in a perfect world, when a woman hears that a man is taken she will respect that and never consider him as a romantic prospect. And yes, there are women out there who will find it a challenge to seduce someone away from his relationship. But in most cases these men are not innocent parties and share the majority of the blame in violating their relationship. (You never really know for sure WHAT he was telling that other woman about the state of his relationship anyway.) If this man is a real man with real morals, he will stay true to his girlfriend. If something in his relationship is flawed and can't be worked out, and he finds something with this other woman that he can't have in the relationship, then it's up to him to make a decision. If he's a good person, he will make that decision BEFORE he takes up with someone else. But men are not as blindly led around by sex as we women like to think they are... They do have some responsibility for their own actions.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:58pm
Thanks for your advise! I certainly didn't expect people to think I was trying to steal someone else's man. I definitely don't have the intention (or the ability) to do anything like that. I actually am trying to follow your advise and look for his flaws; for example, the terrible pleated pants he has! ;) I'm sure with time (and a few more dates) this thing will fix itself. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 8:53pm

No, I am not suspicious of you but if I were romantically involved with you myself I would have every reason to be. Your story to me is confusing probably because you are confused yourself about the feelings you have for this guy. There seems to be some inconsistencies on your part in this thread and the other one you started ( "How do you feel about fate/destiny? ) For example, in one post you indicated that besides the time you spend together at work you also spend time with this guy before and after working hours; and now you say that other co-workers are always with you? Do your co-workers go on your dates with you too? We are supposed to believe you are never alone with this guy ever? Come on, neatnclean.

As for him I seriously doubt that he is in total ignorance of the fact that you dig him. He will not, of course, ever mention your name to his girlfriend until he is ready to dump her for you which I think you are actually hoping for though you may not want to admit it here. That is understandable because it would make you look bad.

Your threads here caught my interest because your story reminds me of a woman I know at work. In fact, I feel 90% sure that you are her but I realize that I could be wrong. If I am then I don't want to falsely accuse you. Yes, I have had crushes too and I admit that I had a huge one on her. If I am honest with myself then I might have to admit that I still do though I think I am finally getting over it after 5 months. I should not have let it happen to begin with because I am married and I heard that she was too. Although I was falling in love with her more and more every day I kept my distance. She was such big-time temptation for me and I couldn't help it. I actually thought she had a crush on me too until she started flirting with and hanging around, first, with one young supervisor until she got bored with him and then latched on to the pompous peacock supervisor she is with now. Evidently her marriage, if she hasn't divorced by now, doesn't mean much to her and you indicated in one of your posts that you didn't value marriage much either except with this guy you work with. I tried to respect her marriage and mine by refraining from hitting on her though it was hard not to but then ended up having to watch her go with a jerk instead. She really put me emotionally through the ringer, so to speak, and I bet she has done that to a lot of men. Now I no longer respect her so much. In about 2 more weeks or so she will be going back to the location in the company where she previously worked and I will probably never see her again, OR she may possibly stay and become my boss. I don't know which would make me feel worse.

That's why I am posting here. It is not meant to be a personal attack against you and I apologize if you misunderstood it as such, unless of course you are that woman.

Edited 2/23/2006 9:45 pm ET by throughtheringer

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Edited 2/24/2006 12:29 am ET by throughtheringer

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