How to handle his mess?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
How to handle his mess?
1
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 4:16pm

I feel so down.. I should start from the beginning. I have been together with my bf for about 5 months.. We have had our ups and downs from the start. I remember how perfect I thought he was in the beginning, exactly how it should feel, but that beginning lasted for about 3 days. Since then I haven’t heard any ”I can’t wait to see you” etc��� he’s not been good with expressing his feelings and that has held me back too, it has just felt wrong to tell him things he should probably not say to me. Our sex life has not been good at all.. I don’t know if that affects.. it’s just that he hates condoms and can’t wear them and I have not been on the pill. And I guess I have waited to start for so long because I wasn’t sure he was worth taking all those hormones.. I know I sound stupid.. I wouldn’t have hesitated if I was absolutely sure about a guy..

But I have struggled, sometimes it’s been really good and sometimes so boring I just wanted out. I have been trying to talk to him what I miss in our relationship.. that I miss the romance etc... But nothing has changed. So 3 weeks ago I went over to his place and said we needed to talk. Then I said I’m not so sure about this relationship, that I feel something is missing and so on. He was so sad.. he cried and I cried and I said I needed time to think about us. A few days passed, I didn’t miss him that much but of course it felt weird. Then I agreed to see him one night and we ended up having so much fun and decided to give it another try. The following days were wonderful. I actually missed him when he was not around and we had such good times together.

But then things started to be not so good anymore. I could tell something was wrong, he didn’t want to be close to me etc. But I still didn’t see that much of a difference since he could act kind of cold before too. Butt hen 1 week ago he told me he had been thinking a lot about us, and that he wasn’t so sure about us anymore. That what I told him that night might be true, that there is something missing, that we haven’t had that first phase in our relationship when you want to be with each other all the time. So he said he needed time to think, but that he doubted he would ever meet a girl like me again. And he stressed that he wasn’t breaking up with me.

We are now back in our home towns (we both go to the same college) and he said that space could be good for us. We have kept in touch, he’s called me every other day and yesterday het old me for the first time in a very long time how much he cared about me.. I just melted.. I needed to hear something like that.
Today I called him. And things weren’t so good. It’s like always… he never asks me anything.. I have to bring up myself what I’ve been up to.. I don’t mind but it would be nice if he at least seemed to care about what’s going on in my life while I’m home.

We won’t see each other in at least another 2 weeks since he’s going to work and he hasn’t mentioned me coming to visit him or anything. And I think he has to do that since he brought this up now. I don’t want to be clingy and I want to let him have his time.
It’s just so terrible having 2 weeks in front of me of knowing nothing. I don’t know what’s going on in his head.. what he thinks… That makes me feel awful, because I don’t know if I should start getting over him or if I should not. What do you think I should do? Just wait? Or should I just end it? I like this guy a lot, I do, but I’m not so sure if we are meant to be.. I don’t regret that I brought things up with him in the first place because I wasn’t happy. I wish we could have the perfect relationship. But I don’t know how much work that should take after only 5 months…

This whole situation is terrible, now I’m the one who feels vulnerable. Before I haven’t cared that much if he acted cold to me, but now I do. Please help me.. this ruins my holidays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 7:53pm
hey,
it sounds like you have doubts about your relationship. I think when it's right you just know. It seems like you're just attached to the idea of him or the relationship. Don't waist your time girl. Believe me, I know it's hard being alone. But, sometimes its more frustrating being in an unsatisfying relationship. You need to be unattached so that you can meet the right guy. The one who cares about how your days went and wants to be with you all the time. And the guy who you want to be with all the time. We all deserve that. I know its really hard, but you should try to end it.