How I learned it was REALLY over

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
How I learned it was REALLY over
1
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 3:16am

This is probably going to be long, but I need to get this off my chest. My EX boyfriend and I dated for almost 2 years and just broke up in the beginning of June. Since the break up, we continued to talk and text message back and forth and we both knew we needed to work on things if a relationship was ever going to work again. He lived 2 1/2 hours away, so we had to plan trips to see each other and the phone was our only way of communication.

Well, during that time, we had falling outs, but we always ended up talking after a few days, usually him initiating contact. Finally, on Labor Day weekend he decided to come up here and see me. He came and we sat down and talked for a while about our situation and what we both wanted. At the end of it, we decided to try again because we did not want to lose each other. So things were good......right?

Yeah, not so good. He had this friend (female) that he's known for almost 10 years now. I noticed she and him had been talking online, so I asked him about her, and he said he had a crush on her, but I was the girl he wanted to be with. So, ok, I figured he would get over her because I was the girl he wanted to be with. Well, not even a week after us sitting down and talking, he said things were not working out and he coudn't get the feelings back with us. I asked him if he wanted to be with her, and he informed me that she was just a really good friend, and I was the girl he wanted to be with. He told me that if he dated another girl, all he would think about was me and they could never compare to me.

So, he and I had been talking, through text messages, everyday. I would usually let him initiate the conversation and I would respond. Well, tonight I looked at his webpage and he had a picture up of him and her and the caption said "What can I say but......MY WHOLE WORLD in one picture!!!" I was completely shocked after seeing this and I felt it was a big slap in the face to me. I had told him, multiple times, that if he wanted to be with her, please go be with her. I did not want to keep him from dating her, if that was what he really wanted. He continued to tell me that she was always JUST A FRIEND. Apparently not.

Now, here I am, in complete shock of what I saw and the way I was informed. I gave him the opportunity many times to go be with her, but he continually told me he didn't want to date her, she was just a friend. What kind of guy does this to a girl he dated for almost 2 years. I wish I could just make the memories of him all disappear and erase him from my life, but it isn't that easy. Now I am afraid that I will have trust issues in my next relationship. Why do guys do things like this, do they think about how others will react?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 1:09pm

Welcome to the board scrsnwbrdr,


Sounds like he was keeping you as a 'back up plan' the whole time he was pursuing her..... sorry I don't have an 'idiot flag' or he'd get one.