How to know if its really over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
How to know if its really over?
1
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 10:23pm

BF and I have been together for 5yrs. He's been in a state of depression since his former boss suffered a massive heart attack in front of him back at Christmas and passed away...he has taken over the business but it's been a slow go and I've been picking up the finances since then to get him started.

Sunday night, we hit rockbottom and I sent him packing. I guess I was frustrated that I didn't think he was putting his all into it. Our friends have been pounding him telling him what a fool he is...etc...and that he just needs to dump the ego and realize that he should come home and work out the issue. He is refusing. Meanwhile his best friend is thriving in this moment of bliss for him and feeding him full of stuff because he is miserable in his marriage.

He was at the house on Wednesday and he said he had decided to stay where he is and if we both end up being miserable then we'd see what happens. I asked him for the keys to the house back and he handed me my car key and I asked for the rest of the keys and the garage clicker. He said, I'm not sure if I am going to leave. He then called our good friend and told him that he was definitely not coming back.

Since then he would not return my calls and none of our friends calls. Today was the first day that he actually took my calls and was cordial. Very cordial. I told him that I had told everyone to back off of him a bit. I brought him a suitcase today full of more clothes when we went to sign the lease...I again asked for my keys and he said "You're a piece of work" and proceeded to drive off. Later on, I phoned him and offered to give him gas money so he could go see his folks for the weekend. Originally that was our plans for the weekend. He was very sweet and said thank you but I'm going to stay here for the weekend.

I know he is confused...I know I hurt his ego and everyone bashing him probably did not hurt. But if he is telling everyone that we are broken up and he's not coming back...then why the mixed signals in refusing to give me my keys? How long do I give him? I know there are no other women in his life. He's not like that and he won't do something to be spiteful and I know both of us love each other very much...but how long do you let him sit and ponder...and who should make the first move? I wanted to call him and ask him to go away with me Sunday night, just the two of us..is it too early to do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 12:55am

Wow, that's a tough one.

Angie