How long did it take......

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
How long did it take......
4
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:42pm
Hi all,

I was involved in a long distance relationship for just over a year, we broke up just before Thanksgiving....It did not work out for many reasons. I tried to save it, but there was nothing I could do. I found out very recently that she is now engaged to be married in November. I though our relationship was very important to both of us even if it didn't work out like I would have wanted. My question is, have any of you had experiences or known of people who have gotten engaged so quickly after what was thought to be a very intense loving relationship? If so, have they worked out? I must admit to being a little dumbfounded, moving on for me has been much slower.

Thanks...ULY
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:08pm
Sounds like a total rebound. I'd never consider getting engaged in less than a year of dating, and it was 3 years with my first husband. Don't take it personally that she's rebounding and rushing to some new commitment, it does not mean that what you had was not as meaningful as you'd thought (it just means she's insecure). So sorry for you, though, it must be hard to hear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:16pm
Thanks Milton,

Absolutely......positively......without a doubt.....the most incredibly painful moment of my life. I love/loved this woman more than life itself....this really sucks.

Uly
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:31pm
Uly,

What you are going through has to absolutely hurt and I hope and wish that you are making it through as well as you can. There could be a lot fo reasons she's rushing into this. Maybe she really likes that guy and there's the instant connection or that she's feeling real crappy about what happened between you two and she's just getting into the thing thats available for fear of losing that too. I know you'll keep thinking about it but there's not going to be an accurate answer for this. Just try and make everyday better than your last.

I dated a girl in college for a couple months over winter break. We werent serious or anything but one day she left me a message saying "I feel like I've chosen you over god." Ofcourse, the next morning we broke up as I was terrified. I started dating someone else in a few months and she got really upset with that. Well, next academic year day 1...she came upto me and flashed an engagement ring in my face announcing she's getting married in two months to her old boyfriend. Never really know what happened to them but dont think her reasons for getting married were entirely accurate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:29am
Same thing here. I got engaged after 3 months to a guy I couldn't believe exsisted. We were so happy at first, he moved in, and things were okay. Then things fell apart. He began complaining about everything I did. I couldn't do anything right, and when I did do things right, he said I was "trying to hard". I didn't understand.

Yesterday he moved out of our apartment. I'm not sure that short engagements to relationships work out, maybe it depends on the people. But I'm hopeful. I mean, afterall, there are a lot of people out there. I think of this as my grief stage, I'm going through all the stages, first there was Denial, this isn't happening, then anger, etc...But considering everything, I'm hopeful. I watched Shawshank Redemption and though, if they can have hope...in prison..(Okay, I know it was just a movie..but work with me here!)then maybe this isn't as hard as I thought it was. It was this huge Everest problem, and now, I feel like I can see the other side. Besides, it's probably not a good thing that I compare my relationship to a prison break movie...:o) Hope you are well, keep your head up. And if you need to chat, let me know. I'm always cool to listen and give a female perspective.