How long did it take you to heal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
How long did it take you to heal?
7
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:21pm


I just wanted to get an idea of how long it has taken other women to get over a breakup?

I know that it is different for everyone and the definition of 'healed' is broad but I just wanted to get a general idea to see where everyone stands?
So . . .

Age:
How long you were together:
How long it took to get over it:
Other details:

I really think that everyone sharing this information will give hope to those that think they are alone in their recovery. I know it would help me to see what people say! Thanks

Kat

www.saveakat.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:48pm
I don't have the answers- I want them too. Although I thought it might help to know that someone else is feeling the same way too. I met the perfect guy- we got along great. I truly thought this was it. Then after three great months -BOOM - he crashes. He says he can't get close to anyone and doesn't think he ever will be able to. What does that mean? My friends say that I should have seen the warning signs when I met him. Thirty- five, never been married, never had a serious girlfriend. I just thought he hadn't met the right one- me! I have been so depressed. I've lost ten pounds- which could be looked at as a bonus but not at this point! I just keep going over it and over it- why? why? why? I hope it ends soon- because I can't even find joy in doing the things I used to do. How long does it take to get over someone??? I was married for 15 years and didn't feel this bad when my marriage ended.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:49pm
I'm 28, met him when I was 23, he was 32. Got serious when I was 24, moved in within a month and stood by him through his divorce (they were separated before we even met), custody battles, support battles, credit collections, and major health issues. I moved out last April for reasons not linked to him and I and we "stayed" together up until this past Christmas. We broke up before the holidays but decided to stay together through the holidays for his girls sake and so I didn't have to deal with the questions of my family. So we were together fully for over four years. I'm not over it yet, even though I know i shouldn't, I still contact him every day even though I realize that he's not the one doing the calling or emailing (unless he needs something). He has told me before that he knows no matter what, I'll always take him back. I honestly do not know if I will ever fully get over him. The love I felt for him was so pure and honest, no matter what he did. I hope one day it doesn't hurt, but I know that the months from Christmas to now have not done me any good...I just don't know why it is so hard for some of to let go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 10:28pm

Best of luck with all

The guy I've been seeing for the past 6 weeks got offered an amazing opportunity in DC...

Result: End things with me

I've never been broken hearted about the "possiblity" of a relationship before, but here I am, bummed to the extreme. It is as though I've been going through a full fledged break up! My friends were only understanding the first week but now are saying "It's not like you two planned a future".

My friend Timmy says that break ups take 1/2 the relationship time to stop hurting. If you believe that math, then you have a gauge to work with. EX: 6 month relationship takes 3 months to recover from.

In the past, things that have helped me recover from break ups include: working out, sleeping pills (I can't sleep with so much on my mind), eating whole foods, journaling, forcing myself to do new activities, living a very structured basic life ie fixed bedtimes/diet/exercise/etc, keeping in touch with friends, volunteering, traveling, asking a friend to check in with me to make sure I'm not being that crazy girl! :-) Boycotting TV and movies with their weird hollywood relationships and lame ideas of what i should be also helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 10:59pm
Age: 24
How long you were together: 1 year
How long it took to get over it: it's been 6 months and I'm still not :( I'm right there with one of the other posters, I was in a relationship for 5 years before and I didn't hurt nearly as much after that breakup. I think the math equation is bs, I've heard that too but according to that I would be over my ex already and I'm not even close.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 11:26pm

Age: Just turned 24
Relationship length: 5 months
Time it took before it stopped hurting: 1 month
Time I took before I stopped missing him: Still haven't reached that point

But don't get me wrong.. it no longer hurts, but I still miss him. He was my best friend. He is moving 5 hours away. It was too early in our relationship to think about me moving or do the long distance. SO we ended it before we both got overly attached. I think the hardest thing to get over was.... if he wasn't moving, where would the relationship have gone? The WHAT IF. I now know that I no longer want the relationship or want to be with him. SO it no longer hurts to think about it. It doesn't mean I don't miss him. But just because I miss him doesnt mean that im going to talk to him. I have to completely move on before he can be in my life as a friend. There comes a time when you have to think about yourself. I think the math thing is bs too. I think every break-up is different. I felt like I was falling for him hard, but I wake up everyday now and feel great. I'm happy and enthusiastic again. It took me a whole month to be able to even focus on anything again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 10:03am

Age: 22

How long you were together: 4.5 years

How long it took to get over it: still can't say I'm completely over it.

Other details: break-up was almost exactly a year ago. We are friends now, but I'm coming to the point of cutting the cord soon due to the fact I may be moving about an hour away soon. I do still love him, but I've learned that love isn't always enough, he loves me still also, but we're young and both needed to experience life on our own before settling down.

~Amber

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 10:24am

Age: 24

How long you were together: 5 years (4.5 as a real couple, 6 months for the emotional cheating he did)

How long it took to get over it: working on it day by day, i've been single for 3 wks.

Other details: when he/she asks for a break, give it to them.